


Waking Dreams

by Elerrina174



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Biting, Cullenlingus, Dreams, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lyrium Withdrawal, MGiT, Modern Girl in Thedas, Neck Kissing, Nightmares, OC, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-03-10 11:22:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 42,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13500758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elerrina174/pseuds/Elerrina174
Summary: When Penelope had a weird nightmare about a man in a glowing cage she didn't think much of it. At least not until she fell out of her nightmare and into his world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this story! Comments and kudos appreciated!

Prequel

Cullen awoke with a start and bolted upright out of bed. He was panting heavily and drenched in sweat. He threw the blankets off of himself in an attempt to cool down his all too hot body. They were getting worse, without the Lyrium the nightmares were getting worse. He brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, a headache already starting.

It was hours before morning but he knew he couldn't go back to sleep. How was he supposed to perform his duties for the Inquisition, be the Commander they needed, when he couldn't even sleep? He couldn't let his decision to give up Lyrium affect the Inquisition, he wouldn't. He would not give less to the Inquisition than he did to the Chantry, that he knew for certain.

However, he also knew he couldn't continue on like this. If his symptoms got worse, death would be a welcome release. He sighed as he threw his legs over the side of the cot and sunk his face into his hands. He didn't want to start taking Lyrium again but if things continued on as they were he might have to.

Cullen stood and turned before falling to his knees at the side of his cot. He folded his hands, bowed his head and started to pray, just as he did most nights when he couldn't go back to sleep, but this time his prayer was different.

Chapter 1:

 _This isn't my room?_ Penelope looked around in confusion. She was in a stone building that looked absolutely nothing like her room. The last thing she remembered was being asleep in her bed… she put two and two together. _I must be dreaming_  she thought as she looked around.

But what she saw was no dream world. There were bodies everywhere, men, women, children all lying motionless in puddles of blood, some so mutilated you could barely tell they were human. Amongst them were other things, all sorts of terrifying looking creatures, cut down just like the people.

This was a nightmare, Penelope had of course had nightmares before, who hadn't, but this was unlike any nightmare she had ever had. It was so realistic, so vivid, like reliving a memory. She tried everything to get herself to wake up. She tried closing her eyes and counting to ten, pinching herself, and she even went as far as clicking her heels together and reciting “there's no place like home” repeatedly, all to no avail.

Convinced she was stuck here until she naturally woke up she decided to investigate her horrific surroundings. She wandered through the circular, spiraling halls, _must be some sort of tower_ she thought as she made her way up another flight of stairs.

Reaching the top she heard something, someone speaking in the distance. She crept closer, sticking to the shadows in case it was some sort of nightmare serial killer.

But when she came around the corner she saw a man in a glowing purple cage. It surrounded him in a circle and he sat in the middle on his knees. He appeared to be praying as his hands were folded and his eyes were closed shut. He kept mentioning a Maker, Penelope didn't know who or what that was but she assumed it was a version of God.

She was about to leave the safety of her corner to see if she could help the man when something came down the stairs to the left of him. A creature that looked like a woman but was anything but.

It smiled at him in a devilish manner, “Your Maker can't help you here. Why don't you let me help you instead.” It hissed in a wicked voice. The man paid the creature no attention, he just continued to pray, squeezing his eyes shut tighter.

Penelope didn't like the look of this, he was defenseless in a cage and this creature was stalking about outside of it saying all manner of horrific things. She figured she ought to do something, if this was just a nightmare what was the worst that could happen? It's wasn't like the creature was Freddy Krueger, or so she hoped.

Gathering her courage Penelope stepped out from behind her corner, “Leave him alone!!” She put on her best mean face and stared down the creature, who turned to look at her with a sadistic grin. The man's head shot upright, he looked completely startled by her presence.

“What do we have here? Hmm? A brave mage come to rescue a Templar? How surprising.” The creature started making its way towards her, slowly.

“I may not know what a mage or a Templar is, or where this nightmare is supposed to be, or what is generally happening right now but I do know that I will not standby and let you torture this man!” Her speech started off rough but she thought she managed to make it sound a little threatening in the end.

However, the creature just laughed and continued its advance towards her, “And what are you going to do about it, little girl?” It stopped in front of her, eyeing her. “You may not want to do anything once I tell you what I can do for you.”

“Don't listen to it, it's a desire demon!!” The man yelled from the cage watching them in a panicked manner.

“A what?” Penelope leaned past the demon to look at the man, directing her question to him, but the demon quickly moved, blocking her line of sight.

“Pay no attention to him, he's just a stubborn fool. I'm the one you want to talk to. I can make all of your dreams come true.” It reached out a clawed hand to cup her face but Penelope batted it away in disgust.

“How can a demon from a nightmare make my dreams come true? Seriously?” She scowled at the so called desire demon, giving it a disapproving look.

“I can grant you anything you desire.” It said in a seductive voice and tried to touch her again but Penelope jerked her head back avoiding its purple clawed fingers.

“I want to wake up how about that, because this is getting a little weird for me.”

“Wake up? But you're not sleeping.”

“No, I am sleeping, this is just a nightmare.”

“Keep telling yourself that darling, if it helps. But I assure you I am very real, and so is my offer.”

“I don't want anything you have to offer, you disgusting creature!”

Apparently the creature had enough of Penelope at this point as it lunged towards her snarling, claws extended. But Penelope wasn't as dumb as she looked, she had maneuvered the creature so it was in front of a large glass window. When it lunged for her she brought her foot up and kicked it in the chest, sending it flying backwards out the window, causing glass to flying everywhere.

She brushed her hands together, as she looked over her work in satisfaction, before also running them through her hair and down her body brushing off any glass. She turned around now and looked at the man, still in his cage who was just sitting there mouth agape staring at her.

She walked over and knelt in front of him, “Now, how do I get you out of there?” He didn't have time to respond before the barrier dropped by itself. “Must be demon activated, guess she hit the bottom.” Penelope got up, and offered an outstretched hand to the man still on the ground in front of her.

But he didn't take her hand, instead he jumped to his feet and retreated to the far wall. “What are you? Another desire demon? Do you think I would be fooled so easily?”

“Um, no? At least not that I know of. My name’s Penelope… and I'm introducing myself to someone in a nightmare.” She sighed, the man still looked absolutely petrified.

“Leave me alone!” He closed his eyes “This is just a nightmare, I'll wake up soon.”

“You'll wake up soon? Excuse me, but this is my nightmare and I will be the only one waking up from it, hopefully soon.”

“Your nightmare? Maker’s breath, I didn't think these could get any worse.”

“I'm really confused right now,” she looked down “Man this is a weird nightmare.” She said more to herself than the man.

“What? Are you self aware all of a sudd-”

He was gone, just like that, he disappeared into thin air. _I must be waking up_ Penelope thought. She closed her eyes and stood still for a moment waiting to wake up but she never did.

She opened her eyes again. She was completely fed up with this nightmare. She looked around to see if she was missing something and found a green glowing line where the man had been just moments before.

As she got closer she noticed it looked more like a tear, in the air? She wasn't sure what it was, she could see something through it though, faint and distorted, but it definitely wasn't her dream on the other side.

 _Maybe that's how I'm going to wake up_. She stepped closer, inspecting it, looks safe enough she thought as she stepped into it.

Penelope hit cold hard ground with a thump, knocking the air from her lungs. When she finally peeled herself off the ground using her arms to push herself into a sitting position, the sight that met her eyes astounded her.

On a cot mere feet from where she was on the ground sat the man from her dreams staring at her with wide eyes and an open mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

Penelope was frozen where she was, she felt awake but she couldn't be, not when the man from her nightmare was staring her in the face. She had to still be asleep, that was the only explanation.

The man in front of her, who appeared to be an older version of the one from her dream only remained where he was for a few seconds before he leapt to his feet. He pulled a sword out of nowhere and soon Penelope found herself backed up against the side of the tent with the sharp metal object pointed at her throat.

He was an arm and a sword length away from her now, clad in nothing but a pair of breeches, a hard suspicious stare etched onto his face. Despite his solid stance and stoic expression Penelope could tell he was just as nervous and shook up about this as as she was. The slight quiver in his sword arm, making the dim candle light glit off the metal in various directions.

Penelope stood wide eyed and scared up against the side of the tent. Her breathing had been hard before but now it came in nervous shaky gasps. She put her hands up submissively, trying to make a barrier between herself and this man.

“Who are you? A desire demon? Show yourself!” He spoke in an angry even tone.

“I-I-I-” Penelope tried to speak but her mouth was so dry and her breathing just wouldn't slow down.

“Do you expect me to be fooled so easily? This is still a dream isn't it? But here you have no sway, I was an inexperienced lad at the circle but here you will not best me!” He sounded even angrier now thrusting the sword forward slightly, causing Penelope to flinch back staring down her nose at the sharp tip just inches from her face.

“I-I don't know how I got here. I must still be dreaming. I do know that I am not a demon and I'm not here to hurt you. Do you think if I wanted to hurt you I would have allowed myself to be trapped against a wall with a sword at my throat?” He looked at her squinting his eyes, seemingly trying to decide if she was telling the truth or not.

After a few tense moments he spoke, withdrawing the sword, if only slightly. “I need to smell you.”

Penelope was beyond confused by this, “Smell me??”

“Yes to see if you smell like a demon, it is one of the easier ways to tell if someone is a desire demon in disguise.”

“Um… alright, if it means you'll stopped threatening my life with that sword.”

At this he came closer bringing his sword down to his side. He was quite a bit taller than her causing his chest to be inches from her nose as he leaned in and inhaled deeply above her. After a brief second he stepped back, and did not replace the sword to her throat.

“Did I pass?” She asked cautiously.

“Yes” he was still eyeing her warily however.

“What do demons smell like?”

“Sulfur and brimstone, you smell of vanilla and flowers.” He brought the sword back up, “but I still do not know who you are or how you got here, I am fairly certain I am not dreaming, so how did you come from my nightmare to end up here.”

“Your nightmare? I thought it was my nightmare? Last thing I remember I was lying in my bed, and then I had that terrifying dream. I thought I could wake up by going through this weird glowing green tear but I ended up here instead. If I'm not dreaming anymore then how did I get here… where is here anyway.”

“A green tear?” He knit his eyebrows together, “the breach, you must have fallen from the fade through a tear in the veil. So you're either a spirit or a demon.” With the last word the sword was back up at her throat with vigor.

“Ok but didn't you just smell test me and decide I wasn't a demon,” he looked away from her for a moment before looking back and bringing the sword down once again. “And I don't know about this whole demon or spirit thing, but I can tell you I am neither, I'm just a normal person.”

“But that's impossible, the only person I know who has physically entered the veil and returned is….” he trailed off in thought his eyes widening slightly.

He turned and Penelope watched as he pulled on a shirt and strapped a belt to his waist sheathing his sword there. “Come with me.” At this he grabbed a furry cloak and took Penelope by the arm half dragging her out of the tent.

It had been mildly warm in the tent but outside it was freezing the wind coming across a frozen lake in front of them whipping the snow on the ground around them in a white cloud. Penelope was clad in nothing but her nightgown and hugged her arms around herself to try and stay warm.

He lead her through a small medieval looking town to a large stone building. Once inside they made there way to a small room in the back with a large wooden table in the center, and there they sat apparently waiting for the others the man had asked a messenger to run and fetch. After what felt like forever, the door opened with a loud creak and in came a group of people, three women and a bald man with very pointy ears.

“Commander, you asked for us.” A young lady who took her place at the table opposite him spoke, not noticing Penelope.

“Yes, what is the meaning of this?” An unhappy woman with short black hair asked from the side.

The Commander didn't answer them, he just stepped aside so Penelope could be seen. All eyes immediately fixed on her as she stood fidgeting awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other under their gaze.

“Who is that?” The young woman standing directly across from her asked.

“It's a long story, but I need your help to figure out what is going on, especially you Solas.” He looked at the bald man who simply nodded, encouraging him to continue. “I was having a dream and this young woman” he gestured to her, “was in it, when I awoke, a couple minutes later she fell into the middle of my tent. She is not a demon as far as I can tell and she assures me she is not a spirit either, she says she is merely just a human, and is apparently as confused as I am.” He glanced sideways at her, before looking at each face in the room gauging their reaction, eventually landing on Solas.

“I would like to hear her version of what happened.” Solas said, looking at her now.

“Well, I was dreaming, and he was there,” she pointed to the Commander who was standing beside her. “And, well, he disappeared and I saw a green tear where he had been so I went through it thinking I could wake up that way but instead I fell out of my dream and ended up here.” Solas nodded obviously thinking about what she had said.

“This appears to be a case of dream walking, whose dream was it originally?”

“Mine, I've had it before, it recurring.” The Commander said from her side.

 _Recurring?_ That sounded terrible, Penelope couldn't imagine having that horrible dream over and over again.

“So she was fade walking in your dream. This is not unheard of, mages with a strong connection to the fade have been known to do this, I myself have done it occasionally, but I've never heard of it happening on accident. Were you trying to walk in the Commander’s dreams?”

“What? No! I've never even heard of such a thing, and I've never heard of the fade or mages either. We don't have either of those where I come from. All I did was go to sleep.” _These people are crazy, the fade, mages, what are they even talking about_ Penelope thought as she brought a hand up to rub her eyes making sure she was actually awake.

“That's impossible, the fade and magic are everywhere.” Solas said frowning.

“Not where I come from, which is apparently another world entirely based on what you people are saying.”

“So how did she end up here Solas?” The Commander asked from her side.

“Because of the breach, the veil here is very thin, if what she is saying is true then she must have fallen through a small opening in the veil, landing her here.”

“Ok, well how do I get back?” Penelope was frustrated now, all she wanted to do was go back home so she could wake up and this whole nightmare could be over with.

“I don't know, you may be able to find another tear in the veil back to your own world while dreaming again, as of right now that is the only answer I have for you.”

Penelope's mouth was hanging agape as she looked at each face in the room, “So I’m stuck here?!”

“It appears that way, until you dream again and encounter another tear.”

Penelope threw her head back groaning, “You've got to be kidding me! You can't just expect me to stay here, in another world. This is insane, I'm crazy, that's the only explanation, I've lost my mind. None of this is real right? It's all just a delusion or another dream, I'm gonna wake up any second.” She squeezed her eyes shut tight and waited a few moments before cracking one eye open and looking around, to find to her despair that she was still standing in the small room with everyone staring at her confused. “Oh, come on…. maybe if I try the heel click thing.” She was just about to click her heels together when the young woman across from her spoke.

“I can assure you that you are awake, I know this must be scary and confusing. My name is Evelyn or the Herald as many people call me now, this is Cassandra, Leliana, Solas and Commander Cullen. We are all members of an organization called the Inquisition and I would like to offer you a place here until you can return home. If what you say is true then our worlds are very different and it will be a huge adjustment for you but, you are welcome here. For tonight we will find you a place to sleep and then in the morning we can discuss where exactly to put you. If that sounds alright with you then this meeting is adjourned and everyone can return to their rooms. Commander please find a place for…” she looked at Penelope now expectantly.

“Penelope”

“Right, Penelope to stay.”

“Of course Herald.”

“Good, meeting adjourned.”

And with this everyone filed out of the room, Penelope with the Commander a her side being the last to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

Penelope didn't dream that night, or the night after that, she didn't dream for the first few days while she was in Haven. She thought she would, hoped she would as it was her only chance at getting home. She did everything she could to make herself as exhausted as possible, but nothing worked.

  
She tried working as hard as possible in the healer's tent, she was a nurse so that was the only appropriate place for her. She would see as many people as she could, only stopping for lunch. She tried running errands for people and even just plain running, which was weird for Penelope as she hated to exercise. But no matter what she did, no matter how tired she was she just wouldn't dream.

  
Until one night after crawling into bed she opened her eyes in that same tower from her previous nightmare, the one that had started this whole thing. When she realized where she was she clapped her hands together in glee, doing a little dance of happiness. Her surroundings might have been horrific but it was only a dream and now she might be able to get home.

  
She practically sprinted down the many halls and up countless flights of stairs until she reached the room from before, the one she had found the Commander in. Sneaking up to the corner she peeked around it and sure enough there sat the Commander in the same glowing purple cage.

  
Penelope wasted no time as she was afraid she might have to face the demon again if she did. She rounded the corner, unknown to the Commander as his eyes were closed while he prayed.

  
She waited until she was directly in front of him to speak, “Hello Commander” his head snapped up, eyes jerking to hers, “Fancy meeting you here… again.”

  
“Penelope? What are you doing here?”

  
“I have no idea, trust me, I just fell asleep and woke up here.”

  
He was staring at her, thinking, “Fell asleep…. so I must be dreaming, this isn't real?”

  
“Yup, you're dreaming, but you need to wake up now so I can either wake up or go home so go on, off you go” she shooed him with her hands but he stayed where he was. “Come on Commander please I really don't want to stay here, now wake up.”

  
“I can't just force myself to wake up.”

  
“Sure you can, now just close your eyes and try it.” He didn't close his eyes, instead he just continued to stare at her.

  
“The desire demon will be back soon, you should leave.”

  
“I can't, I'm trapped in this dream until you wake up.”

  
“Alright then just go hide, I'm sure I'll wake up soon enough.”

  
“No way, I'm not leaving you alone with that hideous creature. Now if you won't help yourself then I'll help you. How do I get this cage to go away?”

  
“You can't it's controlled by the mages.”

  
“Commander, it's a dream, we can do whatever we want.”

  
And with that Penelope stuck out her hand and touched the cage, she expected her hand to go through it but instead she got the shock of her life, literally. The cage around him was electrical and when Penelope touched it sparks flew and she fell backwards landing on her back, crying out in pain, clutching her hand to her chest.

  
“Ow!” She sat up and found the Commander looking at her in concern. “Ok, maybe that wasn't the best idea… but this is a dream that should have worked because it's all in m-” she stopped, it wasn't all in her mind, it was all in his mind. Penelope couldn't control the dream because it wasn't hers, the Commander on the other hand could. “That didn't work because this is your dream Commander, you can control it.”

  
“I can't control this nightmare. If I could do you think I would still be here, sitting in this cage waiting to be tortured?”

  
“No, you can control it trust me, just think really hard. Think about me being able to pass through the barrier.” Penelope wanted to ask him to think about an entirely new scenario so they could be in a field of flowers or something instead of this terrible tower, but they needed to start small.

  
She could see him thinking, trying to decide if what she was saying was worth a try. He apparently came to the conclusion that it was as he closed his eyes in concentration, deep lines appearing in his forehead. Penelope waited a few moments before again reaching forward to touch the barrier. She scrunched her face, closed her eyes and turned her face to the side, refusing to watch.

  
When her arm had moved a great deal she opened one eye and looked to find her arm intersecting the barrier. Smiling widely she crossed the barrier entirely before coming to kneel next to the Commander who still had his eyes closed.

  
She reached out tentatively and gently touched his hand, “It worked, you did it!” He looked at her startled before smiling slightly.

  
“I didn't think that would work.”

  
“I told you it would, I know what I'm talking about.” Actually, she had no idea what she was talking about, she had just guessed that it would work and was just as surprised as he was when it did. “Now think about somewhere else we could be, like maybe Haven or your home.”

  
He again closed his eyes and concentrated but before anything could happen the desire demon came. The Commander’s demeanor changed entirely when it appeared in the room. Penelope tried everything to get him to focus again, but all her attempts were futile.

  
She even tried to escape the cage in order to distract the demon, with no purpose except to alleviate the Commander’s suffering but anytime she touched the cage she was shocked. It took three tries before she gave up the Commander pleading with her to stop.

  
Penelope could tell that the Commander was suffering greatly, he seemed to be seeing things that she wasn't. She didn't know what to do so she just sat down beside him and took his hand in hers. He pulled back slightly at first before giving in, gripping her hand tightly, like her hand was the only thing keeping him grounded.

  
Eventually it all seemed to be too much and the Commander screamed out before disappearing, which caused Penelope to wake up. She sat up in her bed breathing hard. She couldn't believe she had been in the Commander’s dream again. She wasn't trying to invade his dreams, she actually found it very strange and creepy. _I hope he doesn't think I’m dream stalking him_ she thought as she rolled over and went back to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a couple of days since the nightmare Penelope had once again shared with the Commander. She couldn't decide if she wanted to dream again or to be thankful that she wasn't. On one hand she really wanted to go home and Solas had said dreaming was her best chance. On the other hand, the dream was terrifying and she hated it, especially seeing the Commander so tormented.

  
So, she didn't know how to feel when that night she found herself once again in that all too familiar tower. This time she wasted no time, taking the stairs two at a time hoping she could catch the Commander before the demon came. _Why can't he dream of something else, or at least somewhere else_ she thought as she ran up the last flight of stairs her legs burning.

  
She came to stand in front of the cage directly in front of where the Commander sat. He tried to speak to her but she held up a finger panting heavily, before bending over with her hands on her knees. Even in dreams she was out of shape, _I really need to work out more_ Penelope thought as she gulped for air.

  
When she could finally speak she had the same, you're dreaming speech with the Commander before he agreed to once again try to change the dream. Closing his eyes he sat silently concentrating. Penelope waited for something to happen and thought it was useless after nothing changing for a few minutes before suddenly the walls started to flicker.

  
Penelope could see the outline of Haven’s familiar grounds appearing around them. She couldn't believe this was actually working, she had found a way to help him. Haven was almost completely materialized around them when the demon came, once again breaking his concentration.

  
Penelope knew this was a nightmare but it didn't make it any less terrifying, and while it was somewhat predictable it was at the same time as equally unpredictable. This time the demon wasted no time talking to her and instead grabbed her around the throat, hoisting her in the air. This seemed to shake the Commander as he bolted to his feet, yelling at the demon to stop, that he was the one it wanted.

  
He started running into the barrier to try to get to them, but he was so unfocused he just kept getting shocked. Until finally it was one time to many and he fell backwards hitting the ground hard, causing Penelope to wake up. She had trouble going back to sleep that night.

  
***

  
Penelope had just finished bandaging the leg of a young man, and was now washing her hands in a basin of water. She was fitting in well with the other people of Haven and enjoyed having something familiar to do, like healing. Their methods and equipment were very medieval so she had started making suggestions to the head healer on how to improve the conditions and treatment of patients. One of them being washing your hands with soap and water between patients, which she was doing right now.

  
“Penelope? May I have a word?”

  
She looked up from her scrubbing to find the Commander standing in the tent opening. She nodded at him before drying her hands on a clean towel and following him out of the small space. They walked in silence a good distance from the tent to a more private area.

  
“Penelope,” the Commander began once they had stopped walking, “I think this is all my fault.”

  
She looked at him confused, “What's your fault?”

  
“You being stuck here, I think it may be because of me.”

  
“How is this because of you, it's not like you asked for me to be stuck here.” He shifted on his feet not meeting her eyes, he looked guilty. “Right?” Penelope was worried now.

  
“Not specifically no, but I am going through a difficult time right now and after one particularly bad night I prayed and asked the Maker to send me a sign that I should continue down this path. I asked him to send me help so I could persevere. I believe you are the answer to that prayer. I don't know if you were supposed to fall out of the fade or not but I do believe you were in my dream because I asked for you to be. The last couple of nights you have helped me so much, it made me realize that you are exactly what I asked for.”

  
Penelope didn't know what to do with this information, she was shocked and confused. Could she really be in his dreams because he had asked for help? She didn't know if she believed in a higher power or not but he seemed to be convinced. She didn't know how to respond to him so she just stood there staring.

  
He looked at her, waiting for her to respond but when she didn't he continued. “What you have done is given me a way to fight back against my nightmares, and I feel selfish for being thankful that you are here. I am so sorry, I feel responsible for your situation and will do anything in my power to help you. I hope you can forgive me.”

  
“Forgive you?” How could she forgive him when he hadn't done anything wrong, it wasn't actually his fault she was stuck here. “Commander you haven't done anything worthy of forgiveness. It's not actually your fault I am stuck here and I'm happy that I can help you. I hate seeing you tortured like that, it's painful to watch. I do hope you know that I'm not in your dreams of my own choosing, it just seems that whenever you have a nightmare I end up there.”

  
“Please call me Cullen, and you are very kind for not hating me. You see this is why I think this is the Makers doing, you aren't a mage and you don't try to walk in my dreams yet you show up when I need someone the most. It's exactly what I asked for, but I promise to help you get home in anyway I can.”

  
“Well thank you, and trust me I don't blame you for this.” She gave him a reassuring smile which he returned somewhat forcefully before they went their separate ways. Penelope didn't know if what he had said was true but if she had somehow been brought here to help him then she was going to do a dang good job of it. 


	5. Chapter 5

When the Herald returned from the Hinterlands she asked Penelope if she would be willing to go and aid the Mothers and other healers there. She had apparently heard of Penelope's different advanced healing methods and thought she could be a huge help at the crossroads. Penelope of course agreed and packed her bags immediately before heading out with the other reinforcements and troops sent to build watchtowers.

When she got there she realized just why the Herald had asked for her help. The crossroads were a mess. Despite the Heralds quelling of the fighting and best efforts to equip the refugees they still lacked even the most basic essentials. What the Herald had accomplished had eased their suffering but it still wasn't enough.

Some of the worst fighting between the mages and Templars had happened in the Hinterlands and it showed. The number of wounded or dead was staggering for such a rural area. Innocent people came in with stab wounds and magic injuries alike. The Templars and mages seemed to have no regard for the innocent people getting caught in the middle of their quarrel.

Penelope had of course not known what was going on in this world when she fell into it, but she had gotten a number of long and tedious history lessons from countless people over the few weeks she had been in Haven. Magic and the fade were explained along with Templars and the circles. She had learned about the Chantry, the different races that lived in Thedas, geography, political standings and countless other important details about the world she now called home. Eventually, they had gotten to the current situation with the explosion at the conclave the fighting and the creation of the Inquisition. It was all very new and very different from her own world, but she had managed to be a quick study and was fitting in to the best of her ability.

The only thing Penelope still wondered about was Cullen and his dreams. She barely knew anything about the man despite seeing his most personal fears and nightmares. He hadn't spoken to her much since she had appeared beside apologizing for her situation. He had never explained why he had such terrible nightmares or what the nightmares were even about.

From her lessons, Penelope had managed to put a few facts together. The recurring nightmare he had took place in a circle tower, with mages and Templars lying dead on the floor. The creature was, in fact, a desire demon that was holding Cullen prisoner for some reason. In the dream, he wore the same armor as the other Templars so she assumed he was one. Besides that, however, she didn't know much else, like why the demon was holding him, what had happened, or why now his nightmares were so bad he didn't think he could bear them alone. She knew that if she was stuck here and continued to share his nightmares she would eventually find out, so for the time being she focused on more pressing issues.

Her days spent at the crossroads were long and exhausting. They took a toll not only on her physically but also emotionally. Being a nurse Penelope was used to seeing and treating injuries but this was a whole new experience. Their medicine and healing methods besides the healing potions and magic were extremely medieval. They barely knew how to properly treat even the most basic wounds.

Penelope had never had to treat sword wounds or magic injuries before. The stab wounds were similar to the stab wounds caused by knives in her world so she treated them about the same, or as best she could with such different supplies and techniques. She didn't know what to do for magic wounds but the treatment seemed to be based on the type of magic used so if the victim was burned, you would treat the burn the same as if it was a burn from a fire.

It was all a new learning experience but she adapted fast the only issue she had was getting used to the lack of technology. They didn't even have stethoscopes so doing a basic checkup or evaluation was different. However, the Mothers and other healers didn't seem to mind her lack of knowledge and readily offered advice and help.

She hardly slept the week she spent helping to stabilize the crossroads. When she finally returned to Haven it was in the middle of the night and she was all too happy to crash on her bed without another thought.

The second she closed her eyes she opened them back up in the eerily familiar tower. Penelope groaned, usually she was happy to dream as that meant she had a chance to get home and if nothing else could help Cullen, but tonight all she wanted to do was sleep. She wanted to close her eyes and have a nice long night of uninterrupted, peaceful sleep.

She had to remember however that Cullen had said he thought she was here because he had asked for help because he needed it. If she had somehow been brought here for that purpose she had told herself that she would do all she could to help him.

So taking in a deep breath- Penelope coughed and gagged at the smell before looking around. The deep breath had been a mistake because the smell in the tower was sickening. The dream seemed to be more vivid than she remembered. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth, taking a moment to still herself. Working in the medical field gave her a stronger stomach than most but this nightmare always managed to get to her.

She began walking the familiar path through the halls of the tower to the cage which she knew would hold Cullen. As she got closer she realized she could hear screaming, and quicken her pace until she was running through the halls. If she had to keep running in these dreams she was going to have to start exercising in real life which was a frightening thought.

When she reached the room she stopped outside of it and peeked in. Sure enough, there sat Cullen in his usual spot with the demon standing right in front of him. Penelope stood outside for a moment before she had an idea.

She bent over and picked up a sword that was laying next to a nearby dead Templar. Penelope had never realized just how surprisingly light swords were, it's not like she encountered them all the time or at all for the matter before she arrived in Thedas. It only took one hand and not a lot of effort to get it off the ground. Once she had it up, it wasn't hard to wield because it was so masterfully balanced.

She crept her way around the corner and into the room as silently as possible. Cullen had his eyes closed and the demon’s back was to her so she managed to sneak in without being seen. Coming up behind the demon who was still talking loudly, Penelope brought the sword up to the middle of its back. She took in a breath and thrust the sword forward as hard as she could.

The demon screeched in pain and whipped around, the sword still fully impaling it. Penelope backed up slowly, _well that didn't go according to plan_ , she thought as the demon hissed and stalked closer. It snarled as it brought a large clawed hand up and backhanded Penelope across the room and into the wall.

She hit her head and it took her a moment to pull herself off the ground and sit up. When she looked over she could see the demon coming towards her.

Right before it was on top of her Penelope watched the sword disappear from its midsection. In a split second, she felt something splatter across her face and she reflexively closed her eyes.

She twisted her face disgustedly as she wiped a thick liquid from her eyes with her hands. She blinked them open slowly and was met with the sight of the demon’s body slumped in front of her, headless. Cullen stood behind it, covered in blood, holding the sword she had stabbed into its middle. The demon's head was wobbling on the floor next to her, its eyes rolled back and it's horns keeping it unsteady as it rocked back and forth.

He stabbed the sword into the demon's limp body before coming over to help Penelope off the ground. She was still shocked, just staring at the demon's body as Cullen brushed her off and wiped some of the blood from her face with his sleeve. Her mouth was hanging open as she looked from the demon to the glowing cage and then to Cullen in front of her.

“How-how did you,” she pointed from the cage to him and then to the demon, confused.

“I learned from the best,” he smirked at her, swiping one last drop of blood from her cheek. “I did just what you taught me.”

“Oh,” Penelope smiled, “I’m glad that worked, because if it hadn't,” she paused, “Can you die in a dream? Like if I died here would I have died in real life.”

“I don't know, but I certainly wasn't going to find out.”

“You're whole fade thing is weird, where I'm from if you die in a dream you just wake up and there certainly aren't any desire demons.” She stepped cautiously over the demon that lay in front of her.

“I have to say I'm glad you're back.”

“From the Hinterlands? Yeah me too, I like helping and all, but that was exhausting.”

“Well that, but also just back in my dreams.”

“What do you mean?” She looked at him.

“You haven't been in my dreams since you left for the Hinterlands, I-” he faltered, “It's been more difficult with your absence. I didn't know what had happened.”

“Oh, my schedule was all messed up, I barely slept and when I did it was at random times. I'm sorry, I didn't realize-”

“No, no please,” he held up his hand, “It's not your fault. You shouldn't have to worry about me.” He offered her a smile, “I'm just kind of glad to have you back.”

She smiled back at him, “Are you ever going to tell me what these dreams are all about?”

“In time.”

The dream around them started to fade and soon Penelope awoke in her own bed, thankful to finally be able to get some peaceful sleep, hopefully.


	6. Chapter 6

“Now just keep it clean and dry and you should be all set.” Penelope was putting the finishing touches on a bandage she was wrapping around a young woman’s hand and wrist. “Come back in a couple of days and I’ll take a look at it and change the bandages.”

“Thank you, healer.”

The young woman got up to leave just as a soldier was being helped into the tent clutching his side.

“What happened here?” Penelope raised her eyes from where she was washing her hands to watch the men make their way into the tent.

“Practice was a little too rough miss.” Answered the young man helping the other one through the tent opening.

“Ok put him there I’ll take a look.” She motioned to the now empty cot the woman had just vacated.

His friend placed the young soldier on the bed before reluctantly going back to practice.

“Alright let's take this off and have a look.” She helped the man take his shirt off and began examining his side.

“Goodness, how did this happen?” The man’s side was already bruised and tender, he flinched every time Penelope touched it.

“The Commander is a little touchy today, he’s in one of his moods.”

“The Commander did this to you?” Penelope was shocked.

“Yeah, his shield was brutal today.” The soldier cringed as Penelope further examined him. She determined his ribs weren’t broken and decided a salve would suffice as she started to rub in it slow gentle circles over his purple skin.

“This is unacceptable, he shouldn't be putting his men in the healer’s tent.”

“Try telling that to him, miss.”

 _Maybe I will_ , Penelope thought as she finished up with the soldier, leaving him to rest on the cot while she made her way down to the training field.

Sure enough there stood the Commander barking orders at his troops, who looked worn and tired. He was running them through some training routine over and over again. He would constantly find something wrong whether it be form or execution and make them start again.

He was pacing back and forth with his brows scrunched together, he looked miserable. He was sweating despite the cool weather and looked tense, constantly rubbing the back of his neck or pinching the bridge of his nose.

One of the soldiers stumbled and fell out of line messing up the rest of the men who groaned at his mistake.

“Again!!” Cullen yelled above the complaints as he paced back and forth observing them.

 _Alright, this party is over with_ , Penelope worked up her courage before marching up to the Commander.

“Commander, I need to see you a moment.”

He didn't even turn around to look at her as he replied, “It can wait.”

He wasn't getting out of it that easily, “That's not your decision to make unless you have some medical degree from some college that doesn't even exist,” he turned to look at her now, her sassy response warranting his attention and a raise of one of his golden eyebrows. She crossed her arms and looked at him.

He huffed out a breath, “Fine, men keep going.” He turned to leave with her.

“Not so fast,” Penelope put out her arm to stop him, “They need a break.” Cullen eyed her, “Healer's orders.”

He sighed again, “Men take a breather.” The men groaned in relief.

“Alright follow me.” Penelope didn't want to bring him back to the healer’s tent so she brought him to sit on some bales of hay stacked next to Haven’s wall.

“What is this about, Penelope?”

She stood in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest, “This is about you being so rough with your men that you send them to the healer’s tent.”

“Please, he should have seen my shield coming and blocked it. It seems he needed the lesson after all, however.”

“His entire side is bruised, you could have broken his ribs.” Penelope couldn't believe he was defending himself.

“It's his own fault.”

“That's not training him, Cullen! You could have seriously injured him, and they acted like this wasn't the first time.”

He made an annoyed sound and looked away from her.

“What's going on?”

“It's nothing.” He still wouldn't look at her.

“Fine, then I'm doing a thorough examination of you. I'm assuming it's at least partly physical based on how you're moving and holding yourself.”

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye but didn't say a word, still maintaining his bad attitude.

“Let's start with your breathing.” The only way she could listen to his breathing was to put her ear to his chest, so that's exactly what she did. She took off his armor, unbuttoned his coat and then pushed it down his arms. She left his shit on however in order to keep it from getting too weird, especially out in the open as they were.

She then bent over and placed her ear to his chest, “Breath in,” he did “and out,” he did that as well. She sat up and looked at him, “Now for your heart. Hold your breath.” He took in a deep breath and held it as she put her ear back to his chest and using a system she made to count beats per minute she listened to his heart. “A little fast, but it sounds pretty good.”

“Are we done?” He seemed annoyed.

“No, turn your face towards the sun.” He moved too slowly for her so she grabbed his jaw and gently angled his face toward the light.

First, she looked at his amber colored eyes which were bloodshot and tired looking. His pupils were dilated, too big for the amount of light shining on them.

“Open your mouth.” She examined his mouth and throat the best she could but in reality, she more wanted to smell his breath than anything else to make sure he wasn't drunk.

He was sweating and it could have been due to the exercise he had been participating in but Penelope wasn't convinced. She placed the back of her hand on his forehead, it felt warm. She sat up and leaned forward pressing a gentle kiss where her hand had been. She drew back to find him looking at her curiously.

“You have a fever.” She stepped back, “Stick your arms out.”

He reluctantly put his arms out in front of him and Penelope watched his hands shake.

“Fast heartbeat, dilated pupils, fever, and tremors.” She crossed her arms again, staring him down. “Is there something you want to tell me, Cullen, because these are all signs of withdrawal.”

He wouldn't meet her eyes and let out a heavy breath. “Like I said, it's nothing, I’m fine.”

“I don't believe you, Cullen, if you are going through withdrawal I need to know, I can help you.”

“No one can help me, Penelope,” he got up to leave, “Just leave it alone.”

“Cullen!” She called after him.

“I'm going back to work, and I suggest you do the same."

Penelope watched as he walked back to the field, putting on his coat and armor before calling his men back to work.


	7. Chapter 7

The night air was cold making Penelope shiver as goosebumps crawled across her skin. She wrapped her cloak more tightly around herself and continued walking. The sun had set long ago but the night was lit by the light of the two moons which hung high in the sky. It was quiet except for the crunching of Penelope’s shoes on the fresh snow, as everyone else was fast asleep.

Penelope had been asleep but she had been woken by a nightmare. Not one of Cullen's nightmares, however, one of her own. She had been having a few of them ever since she first set foot in the Hinterlands and saw the atrocities that awaited her there.

Tonight she hadn't been able to fall back asleep so she decided a walk would do her good and that the cool night air would calm her down. She picked her way through Haven careful to be quiet as to not disturb anyone else. She pushed open one of Haven’s large gates and stepped outside the village walls.

It was beautiful, the snow that covered the ground twinkled in the light of the moon, each individual snowflake reflecting the light in various directions. The frozen lake shone brightly in the moonlight and Penelope wished she had her ice skates. She wanted to glide across the crystal ice and draw figure eights on its opaque white surface.

But the beautiful landscape was interrupted by a shadowy dark figure, that loomed in front of the lake. Penelope drew closer eyeing the back of the figure until she got close enough to see who it was.

“Oh, Cullen, it's you.”

Cullen turned quickly at the sound of her voice, she had obviously startled him out of his thoughts and he reached for his belt, his hand landing on the place where his sword would have been.

Penelope held her hands up and smirked at him, “Looks like I've caught you unarmed.”

He huffed out a forced laugh, “Yes, sorry you startled me.”

“I apologize, that wasn't my intention. I was just curious to see who else was up at this hour.” She came to stand next to him as he returned his gaze to the lake in front of them. “Bad night?” She asked glancing up at him.

“I didn't even attempt to sleep.” He sighed, “Trying would have been pointless.”

Despite the cool night, Cullen stood in nothing but a white cotton shirt and pair of leather breeches.

Penelope eyed him in concern, “You don't look well Cullen.”

“Yes I know, you made that quite obvious earlier.” He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I owe you an apology, how I acted toward you earlier was unforgivable. You were right, I was being too hard on my men and I shouldn't be sending them to the healer's tent for injuries I cause. You came to me offering your help and I treated you in a manner that was anything but worthy of the kindness you showed me. I am sorry Penelope, I was wrong, thank you for your concern and I hope you can forgive me.”

She offered him a kind smile, “All is forgiven, but I am worried about you.”

“I know, you wouldn't be the only one.”

“So are you finally going to tell me what's going on?”

“In time.”

“That's what you said about the dreams.” She frowned up at him, giving him a disapproving look.

“I know, I just-” he turned away from her, “It's hard, it's not something I can just-”

“You don't trust me.” The lack of response he gave her was enough of an answer. She turned to leave, “Goodnight Cullen, if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.” She walked away from the lake and back up the path toward Haven leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He didn't speak to her over the next few days, in fact, he seemed to avoid her. She also didn't see him in her dreams, which concerned her. She had a feeling he just wasn't sleeping at all.

Anytime she did see him he looked terrible, exhausted and rundown. After about three days Penelope decided enough was enough. She managed to catch him right before he went into his tent for the night.

“Drink this.” She shoved the cup she carried in front of his face.

He lurched backward away from the steaming mug and looked at her obviously confused by her sudden appearance and opinions on his drinking habits. “What?”

“You heard me,” she pushed the cup toward him again, “Drink it.”

The way he looked at her told her that he could tell by the look on her face and tone of her voice that she wasn't kidding and this wasn't up for debate. He reached for the cup before hesitating and pulling back his hand.

“Why, what is it?”

She gave him an even harder look, “You're obviously not going to help yourself and I know you won't ask me or anyone else for help either. You may not be willing to tell me what's going on but I'm not going to sit by and watch you suffer like this and not do anything. So drink.” She thrust the cup into his hand.

He eyed her one last time before turning his attention to the cup which he now held in his hand. He brought it up to his face and sniffed it. His face twisted disgustedly at the smell and he looked back up to Penelope who motioned for him to continue. So, reluctantly he brought the cup to his lips and took a small sip.

“Ugh,” he pulled the cup away from his mouth quickly, “That's disgusting.” His face contorted in a sickened manner. “What is it??”

“It's tea and it will help you sleep, now suck it up and drink.” She placed her hands on his and brought the cup back up to his lips, all but forcing him to drink the rest of its contents.

He made a disgusted noise as he finished the drink and shoved the cup back into her hands before wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

“Sweet dreams Cullen,” Penelope cringed at her word choice and added, “I'll be there if you need me.” Before heading off to bed herself.

It turned out he did need her and Penelope ended up back in that all too familiar tower. She was happy he was at least sleeping and rushed as quickly as she could to his side.

“Ok Cullen, you are going to learn how to control your dreams, even if it kills me.”

“Please don't say that,” he cringed at her words.

“Oh, but I'm all too serious about that Cullen. You see the last time you were really successful with controlling your dreams was when I was in immediate danger, so I figured that's the best way for you to learn because the other way was taking way too long.”

“No, Penelope you cannot be serious.” She backed away from his cage, “No, please don't do this.”

She shrugged, “What's the worst that could happen.”

“Are you kidding me?? Terrible, horrible things could happen! This is the worst idea you could have come up with.”

“We'll see about that.”

Penelope knew this was a terrible idea but she also knew she needed to get Cullen to realize that he controlled his dreams not the other way around. Sure she had gotten him to make his cage harmless at time's and he had even done it once on his own but that wasn't enough. He needed to know that his dreams were exactly that, just dreams. They had no power over him, and they certainly couldn't hurt him. He needed to be able to fight back so he wasn't afraid to sleep anymore.

He also needed to know that she was with him through thick and thin. She was there to help him no matter what, and she wasn't going anywhere. He needed to trust her, to open up to her if she was ever going to truly help him. Penelope knew she was going to have to work for it and that's exactly what she planned on doing.

Cullen was still pleading with her, “Please Penelope don't do this. Just-just run and hide or something, don't put yourself in harm's way.”

“Why don't you come out here and make me.” Penelope taunted, which got her a hard disapproving look.

They were both distracted from their discussion by the desire demon’s uninvited presence which soon disturbed the room. Cullen tried to distract it but Penelope had it's full attention the moment it entered the room. Penelope was scared but she stood her ground. The desire demon of his dreams was so unpredictable she had no idea what it was going to do.

It stalked closer to her before grabbing her around the throat with a purple clawed hand. It picked her up off the ground and held her suspended in the air for a short time before it walked over to Cullen's cage.

Cullen was screaming at the creature to put her down but it paid him no attention as it held Penelope’s back up to the barrier. Penelope realized too late what it was going to do and barely had time to brace herself before it pushed her backward into the electric cage.

Touching the cage quickly was one thing but being held against it was another. Penelope's entire body stiffened before convulsing uncontrollably. She felt numb at first before the pain hit her and she screamed out in agony. She could hear Cullen yelling from behind her but he was soon drowned out by her own screams.

If felt like forever but eventually the demon pulled her away from the barrier and Penelope went limp, her whole body felt tired and she hung loosely in the demon's grasp. It only let her rest a moment before hissing and throwing her back against the electrical cage.

By the third time, Penelope was close to losing consciousness as it was becoming harder and harder to breathe, the electrical current making her diaphram spasm, and her heart beat incorrectly, meaning not enough oxygen was getting to her brain.

Right before she slipped into the darkness of unconsciousness she felt herself being pulled backward out of the demons grasp and into someone's arms. When the electrical current stopped she caught her breath and opened her eyes.

She was lying between Cullen's legs, her back propped against his chest and his arms holding her up. They were both inside the barrier, with the demon on the outside snarling and hissing as it stalked around the cage.

“Sweet,” she mumbled, realizing her plan had inevitably worked.

Cullen looked down at her, letting out a relieved breath and resting his head on top of hers as the dream around them faded.

Penelope bolted upright in her bed, panting and grasping at herself to make sure she was still alive. _All parts accounted for_ she thought as she slumped back down amongst her pillows and sheets. The door to her room suddenly flung open and Cullen rushed inside.

“Maker’s breath! Penelope are you alright!”

She sat up and looked at him as he caught his breath, “I’m fine, how about you?”

He didn't answer and just came over to sit on the bed. “I could kill you right now, you know that right?”

“Oh come on, don't you think you're being a little overdramatic.”

“No, I am not! What you did was foolish and reckless! Don't you ever do that again.” He shoved an angry finger at her to emphasize his point.

“Ok, ok, I won't.” she held her hands up in surrender.

“Promise?” He eyed her suspiciously

“Promise. But you have to admit it did kind of work.”

Cullen gave an exasperated sigh at this as he got up to leave. He shut the door quietly and Penelope smirked to herself before lying back down and going back to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Penelope was coming out of Adan’s cabin after crafting some potions when she saw Cullen stalk out of the Chantry. He looked angry and she immediately changed her course to intercept him. 

“Bad meeting?” She had been walking beside him for a couple of steps but he seemed to just notice her presence.

He shook his head, “She's insufferable.”

“Who?”

“The Herald, she actually thinks it's a good idea to go after the mages for help in closing the breach instead of the Templars.” He scoffed “Like the mage rebellion is actually more organized than the order. She wants to throw herself at the feet of a Tevinter Magister, to spring a trap made exactly for her.” He brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “Who does that sort of thing?”

Penelope twisted her mouth together for a moment,“Well…”

He groaned and huffed out a laugh, “After that display last night I can't say I’m surprised, that does sound like something you would do.” She gave him a guilty look and he laughed again. Before running a hand down his tired face, “I just- I don't understand why she has to be so difficult.”

“But it is her choice, and she's made it, so you should support her in whatever she chooses, that's kind of your job.”

“You're right, of course. Thank you, as always Penelope.”

“Anytime.” He gave her a thoughtful look before they went their separate ways.

Penelope made sure to check on him periodically throughout the day. She wasn't sure what mood he would be in for the rest of the day after that meeting with the Herald and she didn't want another tent full of soldiers he was taking his anger out on. He seemed to be alright, however, but Penelope kept checking on him just to make sure. 

While she was walking by the training fields for about the fifth time that day he looked over and caught her staring. She tried to pretend like she wasn't looking at him in a nonchalant way, but realized it didn't work when she saw him walking towards her.

“Oh, Cullen, I didn't see you there.” She lied brushing her long dark brown hair away from her face. 

“Mhmm,” He crossed his arms and just looked at her, “Right.”

“Um, do you need something?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing since it appears you’re watching me now.” He said, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“Oh that, yeah…” She brought a hand up to rub the back of her neck guiltily, “I just wanted to make sure you were ok after this morning, you seemed in a bad mood and I was kind of afraid that-”

“That I would take it out on my men?” She nodded. “Your concern is understandable,” he sighed, “I’m not in that bad of a mood today.” He smiled at her, “At least not bad enough for you to be concerned and feel the need to watch me.”

“Sorry,” her hands fidgeted with the front of her apron. “I didn't mean to hover, or creep you out.”

He smirked teasingly at her, “I guess I can forgive it, just this once.”

Noticing his light mood Penelope watched as he returned to work, and didn't feel the need to check on him for the rest of the day. 

That night she was saddened to find herself again in his dream. She really wished he didn't have to go through this every night, but since it seemed he did, she was determined to help him.

“Hello Cullen,” she rubbed her hands together, “Let's get this show on the road.”

“No... no, no, no,” he stood up in the cage, “We are not doing this again.”

“Oh, come on, where is your sense of adventure.” she smiled at him, hoping she was convincing enough and that her plan would work.

“Penelope, you promised,” he walked towards her, “You said you wouldn't do this again, you sat there and you promised me you wouldn't, are you going back on that promise now?” Penelope was backed up to the wall now smiling widely, “I swear to the Maker if you….” he trailed off noticing her smile, “What are you smiling about? You should be feeling bad right now, I'm lecturing you.”

Penelope looked at him, then to the cage behind him and then back to his face, still smiling. He looked behind himself and groaned as he realized why she was so happy. “My plan worked!” Penelope declared triumphantly.

“This was your plan all along?”

“Well I certainly wasn't going to tempt the desire demon again, that last time was painful enough.”

“So that was all an act, you never planned on doing that again?”

“No, definitely not, first it was a bad idea from the beginning and it was much more painful than I anticipated,” he cringed, “And I also promised you I wouldn't, and I don't break promises. I just wanted you to realize you could do it, and that it's a lot easier than you think.” He looked at her thoughtfully, “Now we can continue on to phase two.”

“There’s a phase two? Should I be concerned?”

Penelope laughed at the look on his face, “No, hopefully not.”

“I think your definition of a bad idea and my definition of a bad idea are completely different.”

“Oh, loosen up and follow me.”

He came to walk beside her as they made a hasty exit from the room, trying to avoid the desire demon altogether.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere away from that desire demon, she gives me the creeps.”

“That’s an understatement,” Cullen mumbled beside her.

They made their way into a side room off the towers main hall that wasn't as splattered with blood as the rest. 

“Now what?” Cullen asked turning to look at her.

“I don't know, what do you think?”

“I thought you said there was a phase two?”

“Yeah, getting away from the demon, after that,” She held her hands up and shrugged, “I got nothing, I didn't think we'd get this far.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and turned in a circle, “Well I don't know what to do.”

“Maybe I should have put more thought into this.” She bit her lip and cringed looking up at him.

He just shook his head and huffed out a breath, Penelope was surprised, he didn't seem angry with her.

Penelope had an idea, “Well, I know it was really hard before but we could try changing the entire dream again. Without the demon, as a distraction, I’m sure you could do it with some time and practice.”

“It's worth a shot if you were right before you may be right again.”

“I’m always right Cullen.” She shot him a cheeky smile, which he just shook his head at. “Alright so sit down and-”

They both looked up, Penelope could hear someone yelling faintly in the distance. It gradually got louder and Penelope looked at Cullen who returned her confused expression. The yelling was distorted but Penelope could just make out what the voice was saying “Commander.”

She looked at Cullen, “I have to go.” He said as he stood up.

Penelope shot up in bed and looked around, she didn't know what had happened, but she had a bad feeling. She climbed out of bed and grabbing her cloak quickly walked out of her cabin and down to Haven’s gates. 

When she pushed open one large gate she was shocked and frightened by what she found. Apparently, a rift had popped up somewhere near Haven and a demon had found its way to the gates. Penelope had only ever seen a desire demon and that was in Cullen’s dreams so she wasn't prepared for the large burning rage demon that now loomed in front of a small group of armed men. It had lit half of the tents on fire already and was headed toward the stables. The men were keeping it contained as best they could but only a couple of them were free to fight the demon while the others attempted to put out the fires which threatened to burn down the forces camp.

Penelope watched as the demon swept one of its glowing arms in front of it, striking two of the men in the side and throwing them sprawling to the ground a couple of feet away. The other man, the only one left standing, stepped forward and thrust his sword into the demon’s midsection, but the demon twisted away and the man lost his grip on the sword. 

As the sword was swallowed by the bright fiery red torso of the rage demon it advanced toward the soldier who looked all too small in front of the monstrous creature. He backed away from it now disarmed and defenseless. 

Penelope watched as in almost slow motion the young soldier tripped backward and fell, and the demon was on top of him in seconds. The demon’s glowing arm bore down on the man slicing his leg, which caused him to scream out in pain. The demon reared back and was about to strike the man again, this time higher above the wound it had already left on his leg. 

Without thinking, Penelope ran forward and threw herself on top of the young man to block the blow. However, it never came, Penelope looked up to see Cullen fending off the demon’s attacks. She only watched for a moment to make sure it was under control before turning her attention to the injured soldier in front of her.

When the fighting had finished Penelope helped the young man, who was luckily the only one seriously injured, to the healer’s tent. She cleaned his wound and put a bandage on it, the heat of the demon had cauterized the wound so it wasn't as serious as she had first suspected. He hadn’t been in danger of bleeding out which had helped in all of the chaos that had followed the incident.

“Penelope!” She turned around at the sound of her name.

“Cullen,” he looked worried and upset. “Don't worry your man should be fine.” She reassured him, but he only glanced briefly at the man that lay sleeping on a nearby cot before grabbing her by the arm and dragging her around the curtain that separated the front of the tent from to back.

“Hey!” She pulled her arm from his grasp, “What-”

“What in the Maker’s name were you thinking?!”

“Shh!!” She put her finger up to her mouth and hushed him, then peeked around his large form to make sure the man in the front of the tent was still asleep. “What do you mean?” She whispered back to him.

“What do I mean?? I mean you throwing yourself into danger like that.” He scream whispered back to her.

“I was trying to save that man’s life.” She motioned to the soldier sleeping a couple of feet away.

“By getting yourself killed??”

“I couldn't just stand there and do nothing.”

“Yes, you could.”

She gave him a shocked look, “Are you kidding me?!” she said a little louder than intended.

“Shh!” it was his turn to shush her before he continued “This isn't a dream Penelope, that was a real demon, and you were in real danger. You could have been killed.”

“I know.”

“No I don't think you do, you haven’t been in this world long enough to know. You weren’t here when the conclave exploded and demons fell from the sky.”

“I know it's dangerous Cullen.”

“No, you don't, you're naive, and that was a foolish thing to do, just like the dream. Poorly done Penelope.”

He stalked out of the tent, leaving Penelope in the back shocked and hurt.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a lot of fun writing this story (I hope that's obvious)! I'm really encouraged by the attention it has garnered and I hope it continues to please. Thanks for reading!

Penelope was now actively avoiding Cullen and he seemed to be taking the same approach. She didn't even see him in her dreams which she was thankful for as she was still fuming from their exchange a few days earlier. All she had done was try to help and he had treated her like a stupid child that didn't know what they were doing. He had however made a couple of good points and Penelope knew it, but she didn't want to admit it.

Luckily she was busier than usual as the Herald had returned from her mission, triumphant in acquiring the mages help. She wanted them all checked out by healers to make sure they were healthy enough for the strain that closing the breach would put on them. So Penelope spent her days seeing mage after mage and allocating the appropriate amount of lyrium to each of them. 

Penelope had never really encountered lyrium before. But It seemed to be very potent, and that concerned her although the mages apparently required it for magic. She just followed the other healers examples and gave the right amount to each mage. 

After a particularly long day, Penelope crashed on her bed thankful to finally be off of her feet. It was mere minutes before she was fast asleep, and subsequently opening her eyes in Cullen's dream. 

Penelope groaned and huffed out an annoyed breath. She knew this had been coming, and she was dreading it. She pushed aside her annoyance and apprehension and trudged up the stairs. 

She didn't make a sound when she entered the room she just crossed her arms, leaned against the nearest wall and tapped her foot in annoyance. At the repeated sound Cullen raised his head and looked around the room, his eyes finally landing on her.

“Penelope,”

She didn't say anything and just continued to stare at him, unamused and unhappy.

He swallowed nervously seeing the angry look on her face. “I didn't know if I'd see you here.”

Her silence was amplified by the incessant tapping of her foot.

“Listen, I know you're angry with me-”

She didn't respond but just raised her eyebrows at the understatement.

“Can we do this when we're awake please??”

She didn't answer for an uncomfortably long time before sighing, uncrossing her arms and pushing away from the wall. "Fine," She stared at him, “Well??”

“What?”

“I can't wake us up Cullen, that's all you.”

“So you'll talk to me??”

“I haven't decided yet.”

“Well if you decide to, meet me down by the lake.”

He closed his eyes and-

…… nothing happened.

"I’m waiting.” Penelope crossed her arms again.

“I'm trying, just give me a moment, it's a lot harder than it looks.”

After what felt like forever and a couple more tries Penelope finally woke up in her bed. She left her warm sheets to step out into the chilling night air in her nightgown and cloak. 

She walked up to the figure that stood on the shore of the frozen lake.

“You came.” Cullen turned to look at her but she continued to stare out over the ice. “I didn't think I'd see you in my dream.”

“I'm there whether I want to be or not Cullen, I can't control it, and I promised you I would help you through them. I don't break promises no matter how irritating some people can be.” She glared at him out of the corner of her eye.

“Yes, about that…” he looked away guiltily.

“You treated me like a child Cullen and that's not ok. I don't know a lot about demons that's true but I am a grown woman who managed to survive this long without your help.” he tried to interrupt her but she wasn't having it, “What I did, was it foolish? Yes and were you absolutely right about almost everything? Also yes. But it's my life Cullen and I can do with it as I please, including making poor decisions.” She finished and stared him down, daring him to argue with her.

“You're absolutely right.” Penelope was shocked, she had expected him to put up a fight. “It is your life and you may do with it as you please. It's just…. as your friend it was worrying to watch you put yourself in danger like that. I was concerned about you and seeing you alright turned that concern to anger and I let it get the better of me, I'm sorry.”

“Oh…” Penelope was still a little shocked. “I didn't expect that to be that easy.” she offered him her right hand, “So can we call ourselves friends again and put this all behind us.”

He grasped her hand tightly and smiled at her, “Gladly”

“Good,” she turned her attention back to the lake. “Beautiful choice of scenery Cullen.”

“There's not really anywhere else.”

“You should have just taken the compliment and run with it.” She turned to look at him, “Do you guys have ice skating here?”

“Do we have what?”

“Ice skating, you know where you wear these special shoes and go glide around on the ice for fun.”

“Ah, no I've never heard of such a thing.”

“Hmm, that's a shame.” Penelope’s heart sank a little, “I love ice skating.”

“Tell me more about it.”

They spent the rest of the night talking about ice skating. Cullen seemed particularly interested in ice hockey which didn't surprise Penelope at all.

Over the next few days, she didn't see much of Cullen, they were both too busy with the preparations for the closing of the breach to spend time outside of dreams with each other. The day before the Herald was going to close the breach everyone was running around making any last minute preparations. So she was surprised to find Cullen standing talking to the blacksmith, she knew he got the supplies for his men through the quartermaster and not Harrit.

“Hello, Cullen.” 

He spun around quickly “Penelope! Uh hello, hi”

He was standing awkwardly, obviously trying to obscure her line of sight. “What are you doing?” She stood on her tiptoes and tried to peek around him.

“Nothing, it's-it's nothing.” He shifted so she couldn't see around him.

“I hope you're not slacking off Commander, the Herald was very adamant about everything being ready tonight so there was no delay tomorrow.”

“I’m not slacking, I don't slack.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m just, ah…” he trailed off looking for the right word.

“Is this,” she motioned to him and whatever he was hiding, “Related to the preparations?”

“Not entirely.”

“Then it's slacking.”

“No, it's… it's just a small side job.”

“You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig.” The look on his face was priceless.

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that you can dress it up as much as you want but it doesn't change what it actually is.”

“It's not slacking!”

“Ok,” Penelope turned to leave, “Whatever you say, slacker.” She could hear him groan behind her as she continued down the path.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short because I split it from the next one in an attempt to keep it from being too long.

Penelope stood with the other people of Haven watching the sky intently. They were waiting to see if the Herald succeeded in her attempt to close the breach. She and the mages had left earlier that day for the ruins of the Temple and everyone’s eyes had been glued to the sky ever since.

Suddenly, the breach pulsed and the people around Penelope gasped. It pulsed a few more times before it's green glow exploded and the breach was gone. The only evidence of its existence being the scar it left in the sky. Penelope and the others cheered triumphantly and then began running around preparing for the celebration of the Herald’s victory.

A feast of food was cooked and a band set up to provide music for the party. When the Herald returned she was greeted with a throng of cheering people all celebrating her success. Penelope helped with the preparations in any way she could, happy to have something to do besides healing for once.

It was nighttime when the Herald returned which perfectly set the mood for the celebration. A large fire was built in the middle of Haven and everyone attended. There was a buffet of food, and music played in the background while people danced around the fire. Penelope stood off to the side happy to just watch the others dance while she drank and ate.

“Why don't you get out there Dreamer.” 

Penelope turned to find Varric smiling at her. She had met the dwarf, who had given her the nickname dreamer, a couple of days after she arrived in Thedas. She liked him as he shared a sense of humor and sarcasm similar to her own. She had lovingly if not a bit sassily countered the nickname by calling him Sweaters. His chest hair had been the first thing that stuck out to her when she met him. It was so thick it looked like he was wearing a sweater under his shirt, so that's what she went with.

“You don't want me to dance. The only move I know is the sprinkler and you don't want to see that.”

“I beg to differ.” He crossed his arms and smiled expectantly at her.

“No,” he wiggled his eyebrows at her, “No, it's not happening Varric.”

“Oh, come on, do it for me.”

“No!”

“What are you berating our poor healer about now, Varric?” Cullen had walked up on their conversation without them noticing.

“Curly, welcome to the party!” Varric greeted him happily

“Wait, you call Cullen Curly?” Penelope interrupted before Cullen could respond.

“Yeah, you never noticed?”

“No I guess not, why?”

“Look at his hair.” Cullen looked very uncomfortable as they both turned to stare at him. “You see, under all of that pomade that he insists he doesn't wear, his hair is a mess of tamed curls that are just waiting to be freed.”

“Oh yeah, I see it now.”

“Can we please stop talking about my hair?” Cullen insisted

“Fine, fine,” Varric turned to whisper to Penelope, still loud enough for Cullen to hear, “He’s a little sensitive about it.”

“Varric!”

He held up his hands in front of himself, as he surrendered, “Alright, alright, I’m leaving, bye Dreamer.” he winked at Penelope as he left.

Penelope was laughing as Cullen came to stand next to her shaking his head, his cheeks still a bit pink from the interaction.

“I like him.”

“Of course you do.” He gave her a sideways glance and she flashed him a cheeky smile.

They stood together in silence for a moment watching the party before Cullen surprised her.

“I have something for you.”

“For me?” she pointed to herself, “Really?”

“Yes, it's a gift to apologize and say thank you.”

“For what?”

“For getting you stuck here, for putting you through my nightmares, putting you in danger, yelling at you, the list goes on.”

“None of that-” she paused, “Well, besides the yelling part, none of that is really your fault.”

“Do you want the gift or not?” He said teasingly

“Yes, of course, I want the gift!”

“Then stop arguing and close your eyes.”

Penelope closed her eyes and held out her hands, she felt something brush them once, and then twice. 

“Cullen!”

He finally dropped the gift into her hands. She opened her eyes and excitedly looked down. There sat a pair of handmade ice skates, with leather shoes and iron blades.

Her mouth hung open as she looked up at him. “Ice skates!”

“I hope you like them, I don't know if they were built correctly but I described them to Harrit exactly how you had described them to me.”

“They're perfect! Thank you!” She stood on her tiptoes and threw her arms around his neck pulling him into a hug. “I can't wait to try them out.” She pulled away and looked back down to the skates, “Wait was this the ‘side job’ you were talking about?”

“Maybe..”

“So you were slacking!”

“I was making you a present!”

“And slacking from your duties in the process. But I love them, so I won't tell.” He just shook his head at her and watched as she turned the skates over in her hands. “Ow!” she pulled her finger back, she had been careless and run her finger over one of the blades, cutting it.

“Here let me see.” He grabbed her hand from her before she could protest. “It’s not too deep, but you should put a bandage on it.” He informed her while he pulled out his handkerchief and wrapped it around her finger.

“You know one of us here is actually a healer, and surprise it's not you.” She said sarcastically.

He gave her a disapproving look as he pulled back his hands, leaving the handkerchief on her finger.

“Commander! There is a force gathering beyond the mountain!”

Cullen looked up quickly at the soldier, “Show me!” he took off running after the soldier leaving Penelope with the skates.


	11. Chapter 11

Within minutes of Cullen running off, all hell broke loose. The alarm bells rang out loudly over the town as everyone scrambled around trying to figure out what was happening. Penelope watched as the Herald and Seeker Cassandra ran past her towards Haven’s gates, followed by any soldiers that had been attending the party. The townspeople were in a panic, no one had told them what was going on so many were running for cover in the cabins and Chantry.

Penelope didn't know what to do with herself, she had never been in an area when an attack was happening. Especially not in another world where people fought with medieval weapons and demons were a thing. She decided to head to the healer’s tent as she figured if there was a battle there would be wounded.

She jogged toward the tent which was on the other side of Haven, but her progress was slowed by people constantly running into her and shoving past her. Since everyone else was panicking it was hard for Penelope to stay calm and focused. She constantly had to push past her fear and force herself to stay calm, cool, and collected. If there were injured they couldn't be helped if she was beside herself and overcome with terror.

She shoved the flap aside and ducked into the tent. She was surprised to find it completely deserted. She had thought that the other healers would have had the same idea as she did, _apparently not_ , she thought. She scanned the tent and upon seeing the collection of bandages and healing potions had an idea. Maybe the injured couldn't get to the healer’s tent and if that was the case then she was going to bring the healer’s tent to them.

She grabbed a nearby pillow and ripped the case off in one fluid motion and then began stuffing it full of supplies. With the sound of fighting getting closer she figured she may need to move to a safer location, but she wanted to get as many supplies as possible before she left.

Screams of terror filled the air outside, which caused Penelope to drop the pillowcase as she jumped. She cursed under her breath and stooped to gather the supplies which were now scattered around the tent’s dirt floor. _Good thing these are sturdy_ , she thought as she picked up the various sized bottles of healing potion now rolling around the floor.

“Penelope?!” A frantic voice called out for her.

She glanced over her shoulder just as Cullen opened the tent flap and peered in.

“Maker’s breath! There you are!” He entered the tent fully now, looking relieved. “Come on, we have to go.”

He peeked out of the tent behind him, looking around in concern.

“Hold on, I just need to-” She was cut off as he seized her by the arm and pulled her to her feet.

“We don't have time, come on.” He started trying to drag her out of the tent with him.

“Cullen!” She ripped her arm from his grasp, “Wait, I have to finish.” She bent back down to grab the last few supplies left on the ground.

“We don't have time!”

“Well, make time!”

The second she had finished and stood back up he had her by the arm again and dragged her along behind him as they ran to the Chantry.

“Slow down!” Penelope was having trouble keeping up with his much longer legs.

“Speed up!”

_I really should have started working out_ , she thought as she kept running, the Chantry growing closer with each step.

A loud screech pierced her ears as they ran through Haven’s deserted streets. She looked up as a large shadow blocked out the light of the moons only to see a dragon circling above them.

“I-Is that a dragon?!” Penelope stopped dead in her tracks causing Cullen to jerk backward as she stared up at the sky.

“It's an Archdemon, now come on!” She didn't move as he pulled on her arm. “Penelope!!” He screamed her name as the dragon screeched again, finally snapping her out of her trance.

They started running again, but Penelope’s full pillowcase was becoming heavier and heavier as it banged against her legs the glass vials clinking together inside. It kept slipping and was slowing her down, as she grappled with it, trying to hold on. All of a sudden Cullen grabbed it from her hands and slung it over his much broader shoulders, which enabled them to go faster.

When they finally made it to the Chantry doors Penelope watched as the Herald and her companions finished killing horrific, mutant creatures, that looked like men made out of sinister, red, glowing stone. They all moved to the Chantry doors together, but Penelope was distracted by someone calling out for help. She looked behind her scanning what remained of Haven until she found it's source. On the ground nearby lay an injured Inquisition soldier, reaching for them, calling for help.

Penelope moved to help the man who was a good distance away, as she searched the rest of Haven with her eyes. _How_ many _more out there need help_ , she thought. She had only gotten a couple of steps away from the Chantry doors when a large gloved hand grasped her wrist and spun her around.

“Where are you going? We need to get to safety.” Cullen turned to lead them into the Chantry.

“There is an injured soldier over there, he needs help.” She pulled on her arm, but his grip tightened.

“We can't help him, it's too dangerous, Haven is overrun.” He turned to address her as she struggled against him.

“We can't just leave him there!” She couldn't believe what he was suggesting.

“We have too.” He pulled on her more forcefully as he shoved her in front of him and into the Chantry.

The second he released her Penelope turned around and moved back toward the doors, but he blocked her path with his body. “Get out of the way Cullen, I’m going to help that man and you can't stop me.”

He grabbed her around the waist as she tried to move past him “I will stop you because what you are suggesting is suicide, there is nothing you can do to help him, we can barely help ourselves.”

“Let go of me!” She grabbed his arm and tried to pry herself free.

“No, Haven is overrun, and an Archdemon is circling overhead, if you go out there you will die.”

“And if I don't he will die.”

“As far as I’m concerned he is already dead.”

Penelope looked at him, horrified. She scowled in anger as she struggled against him and tried to duck underneath his arm. At this, he used both hands to grab her around the waist and picked her up. He moved them away from the doors, Penelope kicking and screaming the entire way.

“Let go of me! Let me go!” She hit him, “Put me down!”

“This is for your own good.” He dropped her next to a startled looking soldier, “Captain Rylen, would you please watch Miss Penelope.”

“Aye ser.” he saluted as Cullen walked away.

Penelope folded her arms across her chest and stared angrily after him. She still wanted to go help that man but she knew she wouldn't make it two steps before he was on her. She glanced sideways at the young soldier next to her. He was giving out orders to the other soldiers around them so she figured he must be Cullen’s second in command. He had a Scottish accent and an interesting face tattoo that went down the side of his nose and chin. When he caught her looking at him he gave her a friendly smile, and Penelope couldn't help but smile back even in her bad mood.

Finally, it was decided that the Herald would distract the Archdemon while the rest of them tried to escape through a path Chancellor Roderick knew of. Penelope caught the look on Cullen’s face when he realized what the Herald was suggesting and noted it for later. A man with a fabulous mustache, that Penelope had never seen before, helped the Chancellor walk as he began to lead the people to what was hopefully safety.

Captain Rylen, apparently took his job of watching Penelope very seriously as he came to walk next to her as they started to move. He, at some point, had acquired the pillowcase she had filled with supplies and it was now slung over his shoulder, bouncing with each step he took.

Penelope wasn't prepared for the journey ahead, but she nonetheless followed the others out into the cold, dark night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, sorry

Penelope’s boots crunched through the heavy fresh snow. She sank knee-deep into the white drifts with each step, the cold wet snow spilling into the tops of her boots chilling her already numb feet. The wind was whipping the snow around her in a blur of white, snatching her cloak and pulling it away from her body. The icy air snaked its way under her clothing and seeped into her bones stealing all of her heat. 

She wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her hands over her clothes desperately trying to stay warm. She grabbed her cloak from the wind and pulled it around her body. The whirlwind of a blizzard dropped glistening snowflakes onto her, coating her in white. Her dark brown hair swirled around her head, obscuring her vision. She brought up a shaky cold hand and brushed it from her eyes.

Her lips were blue and her teeth chattered together as she shivered in the freezing night air. It was hard enough to see with the moonlight blocked by the large gray clouds covering the sky but it was even harder with snow in your eyes.

Penelope took another feeble step and fell into the snow bank in front of her. She picked herself up halfway before a hand came down to help her, pulling her from the snow with ease. She glanced up to find Captain Rylen looking at her sympathetically. By this point, she was happy that Cullen had asked the Captain to watch over her.

At first, she was annoyed that he had assigned her a babysitter, but now she realized that it had been a blessing in disguise. The Captain was kind and friendly and when they had spoken before their lips froze together they had talked and distracted themselves from their current situation. Now she relied on him to pick her up out of the snow when she fell, which was more often than she would have liked. 

They had been walking for what felt like forever. She and Captain Rylen were thankfully in the middle of the group which made it harder for them to get lost, however, this seemed to be the only upside of their situation. Penelope was exhausted, her legs and feet were numb from the cold and all she wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep. The leaders kept saying that a spot to camp was right around the corner but they were apparently looking around the wrong corner as at each turn they just trudged on. The falling snow was relentless and it just kept piling up in front of them.

Finally, after hours and hours of walking, they came upon a location that was blocked from the wind by large walls of rock. There was less snow here which made it easier to set up the tents. They worked quickly and after only a few hours the camp was complete, with a large fire in the middle. However, Penelope’s night wasn't over with yet, there were wounded that needed healing so she went to work in the healer’s tent. 

To Penelope’s and everyone else’s surprise, the Herald appeared alive and mostly well in the camp a few hours after they had finished setting up. She was immediately rushed to the healer’s tent and Penelope helped take care of her. She was suffering from hypothermia but once they got her warmed up, with the help of some mages, she was fine besides a couple bruised ribs. When Penelope finally retired for the night she found an open cot in the tent she shared with the other healers and went to sleep.

She was lying on her side her hands tucked under her chin fast asleep when something woke her from her slumber. A heavy weight was dropped over her lower body and slowly pulled up to her shoulders. She stirred and lethargically cracked one sleepy eye open. Bent over her was Cullen, arranging a thick wool blanket around her shoulders.

“Cullen…” She mumbled softly still half asleep. 

“Shh, go back to sleep.” He stroked one large warm hand over her head.

As he went to leave she reached out and caught a few of his fingers in her hand, he turned to look at her but she was already falling back to sleep, her hand dropping back down to her side.

While she was sleeping Penelope had apparently missed a whole show, singing and all. She awoke to a camp alight with an entirely new spirit. Everyone seemed hopeful for what was to come. The Herald had a new plan and a new place for them to go. So, with haste, the camp was packed up and they set out to wherever the Herald was leading them.

Penelope traveled with the other healers, helping carry any supplies they had left. The snow had stopped and the sun was shining so the journey was much more enjoyable. Penelope had made few friends while in Haven she kept to herself enjoying the gorgeous views of the Frostbacks. The snow that covered the ground shone brilliantly in the sunlight and any trees they passed were dusted in white. 

It reminded Penelope of Christmas and she was suddenly very homesick. With everything that had been happening and all the new experiences, she was exposed to she had been distracted enough to forget her situation. But now in the white winter wonderland of the snow-crested Frostbacks, she was reminded of everything she had lost.

She sighed, suddenly feeling very alone. She hadn't really spoken to Cullen since their argument in Haven and she skimmed the group in front of her for his familiar golden hair. She found him easily as he was about a head taller than everyone around him and his blonde hair made him stick out like a sore thumb amongst the white background.

He was of course at the head of the group walking with the Herald as she led them through the mountains. Penelope remembered the look on his face when he thought she was going to die. He had looked so sad, so torn like he knew sending her to her death was the right thing to do but he just couldn't bear the thought. She reminded herself to ask him about it when they reached wherever they were going, she thought they were close enough friends for her to bring up such a personal topic. 

As they reached a particularly high peaked they were met with an astounding view. In the middle of the next valley atop a solitary plateau of rock stood a castle made of stone. The Herald called it Skyhold and Penelope was awestruck by its size and beauty. As they got closer it's sheer size became more impressive but it wasn't as fancy as Penelope had first thought. The inside was run down and dirty, it looked like it had been deserted for a number of years. The rocks and wood making up the structure were beginning to fall down and it soon became obvious that it needed major repairs.

They had only just arrived when everyone was called to gather in the courtyard. Penelope watched as the Herald was named Inquisitor of the Inquisition and cheered as loudly as the rest of them when she thrust the sword into the sky above her, accepting the role and promising to fight for them all.


	13. Chapter 13

Work on Skyhold was underway and Penelope couldn't say she was sorry to be left out of it. While most of the people were set to work immediately on the restoration of Skyhold the healers were some of the few people left out. They instead were tasked with caring for the many injuries that arose in medieval construction. 

With no modern safety gear or technology, reconstructing the large structure was a dangerous task. People were hit on the head by falling stones and tools, others fell from the scaffolding breaking bones and getting concussions, while the one's woodworking faced other problems like amputating extremities with saws and axes if they weren't careful.

Penelope was kept very busy during the day and slept soundly at night, which concerned her. She hadn't seen much of Cullen since they arrived in Skyhold and that included in her dreams. She had a feeling he wasn't sleeping again so in some free time she had between a shift change she made him another cup of the tea she had force-fed him before because it had seemed to work.

She approached his makeshift desk at the bottom of the stairs as he was finishing up a conversation with the Inquisitor. As he said goodbye to her he turned around quickly and almost bumped the tea from her hands.

“Oh! Penelope, I didn't see you there.”

“Hello, Cullen,” She raised her hands cupping the mug of steaming tea and offered it to him. “I come bearing gifts.”

He looked at the cup quizzically, “That isn't the tea you forced me to drink in Haven is it?”

“That's exactly what it is.”

He groaned, “It's disgusting.”

“Maybe, but it seems to help.”

“Thank you for your concern but I’m fine.” He held a hand up in front of the tea to keep her from moving it closer.

“Cullen,” She gave him a look, “You need your sleep, you look exhausted.”

“I can sleep without the help of some gross tea.”

“Please,” she pleaded with him inching the mug closer, “For me, it would make me feel a lot better.”

He considered her offer, “And if I refuse?”

“I'll make it healer’s orders and I’ll force feed it to you just like last time.”

He sighed, “Fine.” he said annoyingly as he took the cup from her and swallowed its contents in one gulp. He made a disgusted sound as he finished it and gave her back the cup. “It’s just as disgusting as I remember.”

“Oh, suck it up. If it helps you sleep then it’s worth it.” She turned to leave, “I’ll see you later Cullen.”

She made it a few steps before he called her back, “Actually Penelope, if I could have a moment of your time.”

“Sure, what do you need?” She turned back around to face him.

“If you'll just follow me to where I’m staying until I get a proper office.” He motioned for her to join him and they made their way over to the door that lead into the bottom of one of the towers. It was messy inside, obviously a temporary place for him to stay.

“I have something for you.” Cullen walked over to a large chest near the far wall.

“Another present for me? Oh, I’m excited.” She smiled brilliantly at him which caused him to chuckle lowly, “Do I have to close my eyes again?”

“If you wouldn't mind.”

Penelope closed her eyes and listened as he opened the chest and walked back over to her. He placed something into her open outstretched hands and she looked down to see what it was.

“My ice skates!!” She was ecstatic.

“I know you lost the originals in Haven so I asked Harrit to make another pair.” He smiled as he watched her examine them.

“This is wonderful, thank you so much, I was so sad I had to leave them behind.” She beamed at him.

“Oh, I have one more thing for you.” He reached over and plucked a small dagger off the top of a nearby table. “Here.” he offered it to her.

“A dagger? Cullen, I’m a healer I help people, I don't hurt them.”

“Just humor me,” he placed the dagger in her free hand, “It would make me feel better knowing you had something to protect yourself with.”

“Fine, but where am I supposed to put it?”

He looked down at her outfit, “I did have a strap for your ankle but you wear breeches so one for your waist would work, it would also make it more accessible.” He moved over to a dresser on the opposite wall and began rummaging around in one of the drawers. “Why do you prefer to wear breeches anyway?” He asked sounding muffled as his head was bent while he peered into a drawer.

“Where I come from women don't wear dresses every day anymore, they are usually saved for special occasions. Besides pants- or breeches as you call them, are much more comfortable and practical.” She wiggled in her pants and stretched her legs in various directions to emphasize her point, but it was lost on Cullen as he was still bent over his dresser searching.

“Aha!” He stood holding a belt in his hands, “This one should fit your small frame.” He walked over and handed her the belt. 

She took it from him and placed her skates on the table next to her to free her hands. She wrapped it around her waist and brought the two ends to her front, she examined them, confused, “How do I put this on.?”

“It's a ring belt you just loop the ends together, have you never worn a belt before?”

“I've worn plenty of belts just not one without holes.” She twisted the ends in her hands trying to figure out how to loop them together.

“No, not like that, you're not tying an actual knot.” Cullen watched her as she fumbled with it. “Ok, you put it through the ring,” She did as he instructed, “Now, loop it up from below… no loop it from underneath.”

“Under from where? Like this?” She tried again.

“No, from the bottom and then you pull it down through the loop.”

Penelope did as he instructed but it apparently wasn't right as when she let go it fell to her ankles.

He chuckled at her, “Here let me.” He picked up the belt that still encircled her and brought it back up to her waist. He tugged on the ends and used it to pull her closer to him. “Now watch me,”

They were very close now, and Penelope looked down to where his hands were holding the belt and watched as he looped it under and up before pulling it back down through the loop. He cinched it tight around her waist, “There,” he seemed satisfied with the belt placement and reached over to grab the dagger from the table where she had set it. He placed it in the sheath on the belt and then stepped back to admire his work.

“How do I look?” She put her hands on her hips and struck a number of exaggerated poses for him.

He laughed deeply at her, “Threatening, you could strike fear in the hearts of men.”

She pulled the dagger from its sheath and almost hit him as she brought it in front of her. He jerked back to avoid it and brought a hand up to grab hers and bring the dagger down. 

She looked at him guiltily, “Whoops, sorry.”

“That's alright, we'll have to cover proper fighting techniques and weapon handling later.”

She picked up her ice skates and looked at him, “Thank you, Cullen, really, you don't realize how much all of this means.”

“It's the least I can do.” He smiled warmly at her as she turned to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you I liked the dagger idea Jenbt ;)


	14. Chapter 14

“Hello, Solas… whoa” Penelope spun in a circle as she entered the rotunda admiring the paintings the elf had already covered some of the walls with.

Solas looked up from his desk where he was sitting reading a book, “Hello Erelan.”

She looked at him a little confused, “Erelan?” she tried to repeat the name he had called her.

“It means dreamer in the Elven tongue. What can I do for you?” He closed the book and put it down on the desk in front of him. 

“I was wondering if you had any more information for me about being a ‘dreamer’ or whatever you call it.”

“What would you like to know?”

“At this point, anything would be useful.”

“Well, a true dreamer is a mage capable of entering the fade at will without the use of lyrium or blood magic.”

“But I’m not a mage and I’m certainly not doing it at will.”

“That is what is so perplexing, are you certain you are not a mage?”

“Positive, magic doesn't even exist where I come from.”

“That's impossible.”

“Apparently not, so if I’m not a mage how am I walking in Cullen’s dreams?”

“Can you shape the Fade, affect his dreams in any way?”

“No, not that I’m aware of, I have influence over him, but not the dream itself.”

Solas stroked his chin in thought, “I have never encountered this before, however, you are from another world, so you may not be bound by the rules of this one as it's normal inhabitants are.”

“Well, what does that mean for me?”

“I’m uncertain, it could have a number of repercussions.”

“So what do I do?”

“The library here has many books on the fade, I would start there. I will do my own research and if I find anything useful I will let you know.”

“What do I do in the meantime? Is it dangerous for me to be in his dreams if I’m hurt there could I be hurt in the waking world?”

“I do not know, usually the only danger in dreams is to mages, or if your dreams have been invaded by a dreamer who could hurt you. However, since you are not from this world, that could be different for you.”

“Great, so now I not only have to worry about Cullen but I also have to worry about dying in his dreams, and that's on top of still trying to find a way to get home.” She sighed

“I’m sorry Erelan, I wish I could help you more.”

“No, it's ok, thanks, Solas.”

Penelope headed up the stairs from Solas’s room to the library above. She began scanning the many books and scrolls that lined the shelves and lay scattered on tables around the circular library. She recognized some of the names and topics, but since she had no idea what she was supposed to be looking for she was completely lost. She sighed and slumped into a nearby high backed chair.

“Why the long face?”

Penelope looked up to find the mustached man from Haven looking at her, “Oh, hello, am I in your chair?”

She moved to get up but he held up a hand to stop her, “No, no it looks like you need it more than I do. I don't believe we’ve met, I’m pretty sure I would remember such a lovely face. I’m Dorian Pavus,” he bowed deeply to her.

Penelope eyed him curiously, “I’m Penelope, it's nice to meet you, Dorian, you have a fabulous mustache.”

“Why thank you,” he stood and stroked the tip of his mustache, twisting it, “You seem to be the only one with good taste here. Now, what is a lovely girl such as yourself doing sulking around this dark dusty library?”

“I could ask you the same.”

“Mmm,” he gave her a thoughtful look “Touché. It is weird that two fabulous people such as ourselves would be in such a dull place.”

Penelope smirked, she could already tell they were going to be fast friends, “Well Dorian I was here trying to find a solution to my problems but now I’m just hiding from them.”

“What problems could a pretty girl like you have, just smile at them I’m sure they would all disappear.”

She laughed, “Sadly that won't work.”

“Well, then what's the problem?”

“I’m stuck here, separated from my own world with no way to get home and now I’ve just found out that the dreams I unwillingly share with someone here could possibly hurt me in the real world.”

“Oh, that's much more serious than my problem.”

“What’s your problem?”

“At first I stayed in here because I’m a Tevinter surrounded by Fereldans. Now I stay because in this uncultured country they don't have proper mustache wax and until it gets here from Orlais I won't be caught dead in the sunlight with an untamed mustache.” Penelope tried not to laugh as she watched him smooth his mustached lovingly. “Also, that scrumptious Commander likes to come through here to talk to that terrifying Sister above us and this is the perfect place to watch him from.”

Now Penelope did laugh, “You stalk Cullen from the library?”

“I do not stalk him, I simply observe from a distance.” she raised her eyebrows at him, “What? Can you blame me?”

Penelope just shook her head and laughed, she didn't know what to say to that. “Well, thank you, Dorian, I feel better already.” She stood to leave.

“As do I, it helps to know there is someone close to my own caliber here.” He winked at her as she left the library and headed down the stairs.


	15. Chapter 15

Penelope opened her eyes that night in Cullen’s dream but this time it was different. The dream seemed darker and scarier and the weirdest part was that she was in the cage beside him now instead of on the outside looking in.

“Penelope? Well, this is different.” He glanced over at her when she appeared.

“You're telling me.” She looked around from her spot on the stone floor next to him. “Why is it different all of a sudden, the whole dream feels strange.”

“I was afraid of this.” he sighed.

“Afraid of what?”

“Afraid that they would get worse as…” he trailed off.

“As what?” He didn't answer her as he looked away.

Penelope was about to ask him again when a young pretty woman entered the room. Penelope felt Cullen freeze next to her and watched as the woman approached the cage.

“Um, hello.”

“Penelope, what are you doing?”

“What? It's just a young woman.”

“That's the desire demon.”

“What??” she turned to look at him completely surprised. “That's the desire demon?”

“Yes, it takes on the shape of a woman I once knew.”

“Has it always done that?”

“Yes.” he swallowed nervously as he watched the demon saunter around the cage.

“It’s never looked like that to me before.”

“Hello, Templar Cullen,” the demon said seductively.

“This is what you see every time?” Cullen just shook his head as he continued to watch the demon.

“It looks like we have one left,” The demon came to stand in front of Penelope, “Hello dear,” the cage dropped and the demon seized her by the arm. “It's your turn.”

“My turn for what?” She glanced behind her as the cage rematerialized, “Cullen?!”

“He can't help you, just like he couldn't help the others. Isn't that right Cullen?” He was staring at them frozen in place. “He only heard the screams of the others, but this time I have a better idea.”

The demon pushed her to her knees in front of him. “Cullen?! What is she talking about?”

“You'll see soon enough.” The demon bound her hands behind her, “If only you could have been stronger,” she stroked Penelope’s cheek but spoke to Cullen. “Don’t worry this is the last one, then I’ll have you all to myself. We can finally be alone together, just like you always wanted.”

The demon pulled a large dagger out of nowhere and placed it at Penelope’s throat. “Cullen, please I want to wake up now.”

“I could kill her like the others… or” It slid the dagger lower to her abdomen, “I could make her suffer.”

Cullen’s eyes shot up at this and he looked from the dagger to Penelope’s face. He looked panicked which reflected the fright Penelope was feeling. What Solas had said was replaying in her head. If she died here, would she die in the waking world?

“Cullen, wake up!”

“I’m trying!”

“Well try harder!”

The demon laughed sadistically as it began pushing the dagger into Penelope’s abdomen. She cried out in pain and shot upright in bed. She grabbed her stomach and was filled with terror at the dampness she felt there. She scrambled out of bed and lit a candle, holding it up to her stomach. 

In the dim light, she could see that bright red blood had soaked through her nightgown. Penelope couldn't believe what was happening, she began to panic and rummaged through her belongings looking for a bandage. She hiked up her gown and examined the wound, it wasn't too deep so she just wrapped the bandage around her midsection before pulling her gown back down. 

She argued with herself for a second. She couldn't decide if she should go see how Cullen was, or if she should just try to go back to sleep. She knew if he found out she had actually been injured he would blame himself and would do everything he could to prevent that from happening again. Eventually, she decided that she should go see him, so she changed her nightgown and left her room.

“Cullen?” She cracked open his door and peeked into his office. They had finally finished the repairs and he had just moved in earlier in the week. She pushed open the door and made her way inside, looking around.

“Penelope?” A golden topped head peered down at her from the loft above. “Hold on I'll be down in a moment.” After a couple of seconds and some creaking from the floor above he made his way down the ladder in the corner.

“I’m sorry to just show up here, I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m glad you did, I was actually going to come check on you.” 

He looked her over as he stepped closer. She shifted on her feet, she was holding herself differently since her abdomen hurt and was worried he could tell. 

“Penelope, are you ok?” He was still eyeing her with worry.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” His eyes stopped on her stomach. She grabbed her cloak and went to wrap it around herself but a large hand stopped her. She looked down to see a red stain appearing on her nightgown. “Crap,” She covered it with her hand and looked up at him.

“Is that what I think it is?” he pulled her hand away.

“Cullen,”

“Maker’s breath Penelope! Is that from the dream?!”

“It’s nothing.”

“That's not nothing, that's blood!” He steered her to sit on the corner of his desk, “Let me see it.”

He went to pull up her nightgown, but she batted his hand away, “First of all I’m the healer here so I can take care of my own wounds. Secondly, it's not even that bad, I’m fine. Besides Solas warned me that this could happen.”

“He did? Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because we weren't sure. Apparently, since I’m not from your world I’m breaking all of the rules, this shouldn't have happened.”

“But it did.” He sighed and rubbed a hand down his face, “This is all my fault. If it wasn't for me and my problems you wouldn't be here. I’m so sorry Penelope. How can I fix this?”

“Cullen, it’s ok, you don't have to fix anything. No matter what I do I always end up in your dreams so that's not going to change anytime soon. Besides I wouldn't want it to, I want to help you and it may be my only way home.”

“But-”

“I don't want you blaming yourself for this Cullen, I know you will anyway but I just want you to know that I don't harbor any anger toward you for whatever you think you did to end me up here.” She smiled at him.

He gave her a lopsided smile back as he stroked a hand quickly down the side of her face. She excused herself back to bed, declining his offer to walk her back to her room and slept fitfully the rest of the night.


	16. Chapter 16

“Care for a game?”

Penelope looked up from picking herbs in the garden to find Cullen sitting a couple of feet away in front of a chess board.

“A game of what?”

“Chess, do you play, or do they not have Chess in your world?”

“Oh they have Chess and I can play but personally, I hate it.” She responded as she walked over to him.

“You hate it?” He sounded surprised and almost offended.

“Yeah, it's terrible, way too much thinking involved. Now checkers, checkers I can do.”

“Checkers?” He knit his eyebrows together in confusion.

“What? Do you not have checkers here?” He shook his head no, “Oh, we have to play then… hold on.”

Penelope wandered around the garden picking up the smoothest rocks she could find. Once she had enough rocks of dark and light colors she came back to the board. She shoved the Chess pieces that were scattered over the board out of the way and put the rocks in their places. Cullen was curiously watching her from his seat.

“There, now the rules are very simple compared to Chess.” She sat down across from him now and explained all of the rules. He was a fast study and soon they began their first game.

“King me!” Penelope plopped her rock down on his side of the board as he stared at her completely perplexed.

“How-how….what??”

“King me.”

“How did you just jump three pieces in a row?”

“I triple jumped,” he looked at her in disbelief, “it's allowed,” she reassured him, “now king me.” He did so a little reluctantly.

“So Penelope, tell me about your world. Where are you from? What about your family?”

“I will, but you have to tell me about yourself in return, deal?”

“Deal,” he moved a piece on the board.

“Ok, so my world is really different from this one. There isn't any magic, or the fade so none of that is a problem. We have a lot more advanced technology which is really nice sometimes, but it also means we've found easier ways to kill people which just makes war that much worse-”

“So mages and Templars don't exist?”

“No, but we do have religion, some of which is kind of similar to yours.” She jumped two of his pieces and looked at him triumphantly, “I’m originally from Florida which is usually pretty warm so this whole snow all the time thing is a little rough, but currently I'm living- or _was_ living in New York which is a bit colder.”

“So that's why you always stand so close to the fires, you're always cold.”

“Basically,” she laughed, “I'm an only child, my mom died when I was little and my dad just passed away recently from cancer, so luckily no ones really looking for me back home.”

“I'm sorry,” he gave her a sad look, “What's cancer?”

“It's a sickness that with all of our technology we still can't cure. Him getting sick was one of the reasons I became a nurse.”

“I'm sure he'd be very proud, he raised a wonderful daughter.” Cullen stared at her admiringly.

Penelope tucked her dark brown hair behind her ear self consciously, “So,” she tried to change the subject quickly, “What about you?”

“Born and raised in Honnleath, which is in Ferelden. I wanted to be a Templar for as long as I can remember and when I was thirteen I finally got my wish. I worked in a circle tower at first but once that fell I was moved to Kirkwall. I have two sisters and a brother, my parents died during the fifth blight but my siblings made it out just fine.”

“Do you see them often?” She asked as she once again made him king her.

He sighed, “I haven't seen them in years, but I should write to them. I know they worry, especially my older sister Mia.”

“Of course they worry, and you not communicating with them probably just makes it worse.”

“You're right, of course.”

“I told you, Cullen, I'm always right.” She gave him a cheeky smile as she jumped his last piece on the board.

“It looks like you've won, next time we're playing Chess.”

“Next time?”

“Yes, unless you don't want to do this again.”

“What? No, I would love to, it's nice to just relax for a change.

“I agree.”

That night when she wound up in his dream, as usual, she expected to be in the cage again. Instead, she stood directly outside of it with….herself?? Next to her stood another person who looked exactly like her. _That must be the desire demon_ , Penelope looked from the demon to herself, it was an exact replica. Cullen was knelt inside of his cage in front of her with his eyes closed.

“Cullen,” the demon said from beside her. It sounded exactly like her, which was beyond unnerving.

Cullen looked up and his eyes widened when he realized there was two of them.

“What??” The cage around him disappeared. He stood up and back away from them.

“Cullen, it's me, that's the desire demon,” Penelope said trying to convince him.

“No, that's the desire demon, I’m the real Penelope.” The desire demon said, even mimicking the sincerity in her voice.

Penelope tried to move toward him, but he picked up a sword near his feet and held it out in front of him.

“Don't come any closer.” Penelope and the demon both froze, “Which one of you is the real Penelope?” He moved the sword between them.

“It's me, Cullen-”

“No, don't listen to her-” the demon interrupted her.

Cullen looked at the demon, “Why should I believe you?”

“Just look at me, you know me Cullen and I know you would never hurt me.” It inched closer to him as it spoke.

He turned to Penelope now, “And why should I believe you?”

“Because I'm telling you that it's me, Penelope, and I told you, Cullen, I’m always right.”

He stared at her hard for a moment before stepping back slightly, “I don't believe you.” His voice was threatening.

Penelope watched in horror as he brought his sword arm back and then swung it towards her. She reflexively closed her eyes and flinched away from him. But the blow she was expecting never came and when she heard a thwap nearby she cracked one eye cautiously open. Cullen stood looking down at the demons decapitated body.

“Penelope,” he dropped the sword and rushed towards her, “Maker’s breath,” his voice was full of relief as he grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. “I'm so sorry, I hope I didn't scare you too badly.”

Penelope wrapped her arms around him and reciprocated the hug, “I’m just glad I convinced you.”

He huffed out a gentle laugh as he stepped back to look at her, “I’d know the real you anywhere.” He smiled at her as the dream faded.


	17. Chapter 17

Penelope picked up the sleeve of her shirt and sniffed it. “Eww,” she scrunched her nose up at the smell and drew her face back quickly.

After the Herald had secured Crestwood she had asked for a few healers to help the townspeople recover. Due to the bad weather and walking dead, sickness had spread throughout the village. Penelope had spent the last few weeks helping quell outbreaks of various diseases and ailments that plagued the small town. She had just returned to Skyhold and was in desperate need of a bath.

Cullen was greeting them as they arrived, “Hey, Cullen.”

“Hello, Penelope…” he gave her a funny look, “Hold still you have something in your hair.” He reached out and pulled a piece of kelp out of her hair, he held it up between them with an amused expression.

“Ew, that's gross,” she grabbed it from him and examined it before tossing it on the ground. “I need a bath.”

“I'm afraid that may be all you have time for.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Herald returned from The Western Approach with information about the Grey Wardens whereabouts, we march for Adamant Fortress tomorrow.”

Penelope groaned, “And of course I need to go because you will need healers.”

“Better get that bath in.” He placed a hand on her shoulder briefly as he walked away.

Penelope wasted no time, she stopped by her room and grabbed some fresh clothes before heading off to the bathhouse. Since it was midday most of the baths were empty and she had no problem finding a free room. She waited for the water to heat up in front of the fire and then climbed in. 

It was so nice to finally be clean and warm. Crestwood was miserable in that half the time they were there it was rainy and cold. Once the Herald had drained the lake and closed the rift the weather had improved dramatically but everything was so soaked it stayed damp for days after the sun had come out. 

Penelope thoroughly scrubbed the dirt and smell of fish from her body and hair. Once she was sure she was clean she sat back and sank deeper into the warm water. She let the heat seep into her stiff muscles and the scent of lavender wafting up from the water relax her.

Her eyes were closed and she was somewhere between awake and asleep when the door to her room flew open. Penelope jumped and covered herself with her hands as the cold air from outside rushed into the warm room. The breeze blew out the candles and sent goosebumps crawling across her skin. 

“Healer Penelope!” The disheveled looking young woman who had flung open the door was talking in a fast panicked voice. “Someone needs your help!”

“Now??”

“Yes, he's in the main hall, I think he's dying!”

“Crap,” Penelope jumped out of the bath and quickly wrapped a towel around herself before rushing out of the room to follow the young woman to the emergency.

When she arrived in the main hall a group of Orlesian nobles were standing around a man who appeared to be unconscious.

“The healers here!!” The young woman announced as they entered the room.

“Oh thank goodness, please you have to save him!” A masked woman ran forward and pleaded with Penelope.

“I will do everything I can,” she assured the woman as she knelt down next to the man. “What happened??” She looked at the faces around her for an explanation.

“I don't know, we were talking and eating and then he started coughing and passed out!” The masked woman said hysterically.

“He probably choked.” Penelope checked for breathing and a pulse and when she found neither she began giving him CPR. 

“What are you doing?!” The woman yelled at her as she started chest compressions.

“Hopefully saving his life.” She gave him thirty compressions and then two breaths. He still wasn't responding so she started again.

“You're letting him die!!” The woman tried to grab her off of the man but Cullen appeared out of nowhere and restrained her. “Unhand me you Ferelden mutt!! That woman is killing my husband!”

“Let the healer do her job.” He stayed surprisingly calm and kept the woman from attacking Penelope as she worked.

After a second round of chest compressions, Penelope could see what was obstructing the man's airways and pulled it out before giving him a few more breaths. Finally, he coughed and opened his eyes gasping for air. Penelope sat back on her heels and let out a relieved sigh as the woman broke free from Cullen’s grasp and rushed forward to embrace her husband.

“Thank you so much!! You saved him!!” The woman said as she hugged the man who had sat up.

“No thanks needed, I'm just doing my job. He should be fine.” She stood up and looked around, everyone was staring at her. That's when she remembered that on top of these people never seeing someone do CPR, she was also wearing nothing but a towel. She crossed her arms over her chest and made her way to the door.

“That was incredible.” Cullen stepped in front of her and blocked her path. 

“All in a day's work.” She said dismissing his praise.

“He was dead and you brought him back to life.” He sounded like he was in disbelief.

“He wasn't actually dead he was just… mostly dead.”

“Still, I've never seen anything like that.” He glanced down at her outfit, “You look to be underdressed.”

“Yeah,” she shifted on her feet a little awkwardly, “They pulled me out of my bath.”

Cullen glanced behind her and Penelope saw anger briefly flash across his face. He quickly took off his cloak and wrapped it around her. “Come on, I'll walk you back.” She tried to glance behind herself to see what had made him so angry but he stopped her. “Don't look, you don't want to hear or see what they were doing. Orlesian nobles are pigs.”

He walked her back to the bathhouse but didn't move when she went to go in. 

“Are you coming in with me??”

“What? No, I'm just going to stay right here until you come back out.”

“In front of the door??”

“Yes,” he was glancing around with a watchful eye, “I don't trust those Orlesians and I wouldn't put anything past them.”

“You think they'd follow me in here?”

“I don't know but I'm not willing to take that chance.”

“Ok, suit yourself.” Penelope apparently wasn't as worried as he was about what the Orlesians might do, but then again she hadn't seen or heard what he had.

She went in and quickly changed into the clothes she had brought with her before coming back out. True to his word there stood Cullen in front of her door. She had to tap him on the shoulder to get him to move out of her way so she could exit the bathhouse. He insisted on walking her back to her room just to be safe, so Penelope humored him. He left her at her door and Penelope went in to pack for the attack on Adamant Fortress.


	18. Chapter 18

Adamant was a mess. Once the attack began it didn't even take an hour for the healers’ tent to fill up. Penelope had never seen so many wounded and dying people in her life. Then again she had never been on the front lines of a battlefield. She saw and helped as many patients as she could, but she never felt like she was doing enough.

The wounded just kept coming and eventually, they ran out of room in the healers’ tent so they had to start putting people outside. They didn't have enough healers to help all of the people coming in so they had to pick and choose their patients. Penelope felt terrible about that but she knew they couldn't save everyone. 

The conditions in the tent were horrible. Without the basic knowledge of sanitation and cross-contamination, everything was disgusting. They used the same tools and rags on all of the patients without cleaning them in between. The risk of infection was extremely high and Penelope was sure that the only reason all of the wounded didn't die was because of healing potions and magic.

News came that the Inquisitor had disappeared and the fighting on the front lines was getting worse. Apparently, there was a huge rift in the middle of the Fortress which demons were pouring out of. With the Inquisitor gone, there was no way to stem the tide of demons and the front lines were wavering. They were in grave need of more supplies and with no men to spare, that meant one of the healers was going to have to be a runner.

Everyone seemed to disappear once the need for a runner was mentioned. The man giving them the information looked antsy and desperate. He needed to get back to the fight but he couldn't carry all of the supplies himself which meant someone had to go with him. So, against her better judgment, Penelope volunteered since it looked like no one else was going to. She gave the man a satchel of supplies and took one herself before they set off together for the front lines.

Luckily, besides the very center where the fighting was now taking place, the rest of the Fortress had been secured so, for the most part, their trip was safe. However, once they got to the front lines it was pure chaos. Penelope was not prepared for what battle was really like. Swords and shields flashed and clanged everywhere as the men held back the throng of demons pouring out of the rift. The soldier motioned for her to follow him as he made his way through the fighting to where they kept the supplies.

“Penelope?!” 

She stood up from where she had bent over to put down her bag and turned around. Striding toward her through the mess of men and demons was Cullen. He wore his full armor, including a lion helmet, and was covered in blood. As he came to stand in front of her he held his shield up to shelter her from the fighting. 

“What are you doing here?!”

“Your men needed more supplies and the soldier you sent couldn't carry them all by himself.”

“He could have taken two trips.” He argued.

“He said it was desperate.”

“It's not worth risking your life over.”

“If it had taken him longer it would have risked your men’s lives.” The look he was giving her didn't soften, “Are you implying that my life is more important than theirs?”

“To me,” he paused, “Yes.”

Penelope didn't know how to respond to this, especially with how it made her feel. On one hand, she knew it was wrong, her life wasn't more important than anyone else's. However, on the other hand, the surge of emotion she felt at this was confusing, she knew she shouldn't feel happy that he felt that way, but she did.

“Now go back to the healers’ tent.” He put his arm around her back and pushed her away from the battlefield.

She trudged back to the healers’ tent without an argument. Luckily for them the Inquisitor appeared out of the fade shortly thereafter and closed the rift, finally signaling the end of the battle. Now they were tasked with numbering the dead, helping the wounded and cleaning everyone else up. Word came that the Commander had asked for a healer to tend to the Inquisitor and her companions, and of course, they sent Penelope to fill the request.

When she arrived the Inquisitor and her companions were seated on a broken wall discussing what had happened. Penelope thought that they looked better than most of the men that surrounded them and figured examining them wouldn't take long. 

The Seeker refused to be seen, she said she was fine and that Penelope's services would be better used elsewhere. Dorian at least let her look at him but it was mostly at her expense as all he did was crack jokes. Varric wouldn't even look at her, something had happened that she had missed and he seemed quite depressed. She figured it was better to leave him alone and talk to him later about whatever had happened when it was more private. The Inquisitor let Penelope examine her but she said it was more for Cullen's benefit than her own. 

“You're Penelope, right? The one that fell out of Cullen's dream.” 

She lookup from where she was putting her things back in her bag. "Yes, Inquisitor."

“I remember you, it is good of you to help so selflessly. Especially in a world and for a cause that is not your own.”

“Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way. You have all been so kind to me and allowed me to stay it is the least I can do.”

The Inquisitor gave her a thoughtful look as Penelope got up to leave, “By the way, you may want to examine the Commander.”

“Cullen? Why?”

“I just know Cullen and he wouldn't show weakness in front of his men but that doesn't mean he's not hurting.”

Penelope glanced over at him as he directed his troops, “I'll take a look, thank you, Inquisitor.” The Inquisitor smiled at her as she walked away.

She picked her way through the scattered troops and debris over to Cullen. He was standing in the middle of the courtyard shouting orders to his men. 

“Cullen,”

He turned around to look at her, “Penelope, do you need something?”

“Yes, for you to come with me to the healers’ tent unless you want to be examined out here.”

He gave her a confused look, “I’m fine I don't need to be examined.”

“Well I say you do so,” she motioned for him to follow her, “Come on.”

He stayed where he was, “No, I have more important things to do.” She crossed her arms and stared at him. He sighed, “If you insist on seeing me it will have to wait.”

“Fine, I'll wait then.”

“Stubborn woman,” he mumbled as he turned to walk away from her.

So, Penelope waited. Of course, she made herself useful in the meantime, tending to the wounded in the healers' tent and handing out supplies to the men who didn't really need to be seen. It was nighttime by the time he finally showed up at the healers' tent. 

“You actually came, I was beginning to think I would have to drag you in here myself.” He gave her a serious look but Penelope could see the smile behind his eyes. “Come on, follow me.”

The healers’ tent was full of sleeping injured people so she led him to one of the empty back rooms. Most of the other healers were asleep already. Penelope had volunteered to take the first night shift, so she knew they probably wouldn't be interrupted.

He sat down on the cot as she went to wash her hands. “So, what seems to be the problem?”

“There isn't a problem, you made me come here practically against my will.”

“I do most things for a reason, Cullen,” she came over and stood in front of him, giving him a once over with her trained eye. He had taken some of his armor off and now just wore his usual chest and arm pieces. 

“I'm fine.”

“I don't believe you, because if you remember the last time you told me you were fine you were lying.” He groaned, “So, let's try that again. What seems to be the problem?”

He stared at her for a moment before finally moving to take off the rest of his armor. Penelope watched as he grimaced in pain while he pulled his shirt off over his head. On his left arm were three claw marks and one continued onto his chest. A demon had obviously slashed him with its sharp claws.

“How did that happen? You were wearing armor.” She came over to examine the wound. 

“I was thrown against a wall and luckily only the arm piece came undone. I didn't have time to put it back on before a shade managed to claw me.” He winced as she poked the wound.

“Well it's not too deep, but it does need to be cleaned and bandaged.” 

She got a clean cloth and soaked it in hot water before rubbing it over the wound. He drew in a sharp breath and winced but didn't move. Once she was sure it was clean she wrapped a bandage first around his arm and then his chest. The wound on his chest was just one claw mark but it was near his heart and across his ribs so she wanted to be safe. 

Bandaging his arm was one thing but his chest was a whole nother story. He had a broad chest and Penelope had trouble wrapping the bandage around him without making it awkward. She knelt in front of him and had him hold his arms up in the air as she reached around him. But reaching around him brought her face extremely close to his bare chest and he flinched slightly when he felt her hot breath on him. She glanced up to find him looking down at her a little amused but also red in the face.

“Sorry, I can't think of a better way to do this.” She cringed apologetically at him. 

“It's fine I-” he swallowed, “I don't mind.”

She finished as quickly as she could and then stood to wash her hands again. She watched him dress out of the corner of her eye. 

“You should be all set, aren't you glad you listened to your healer.”

“I'm always glad I listen to you, Penelope.” He said as he exited the tent.


	19. Chapter 19

Since they had gotten back from Adamant Penelope hadn't seen much of Cullen, not even in her dreams. When she did see him he looked overly tired and uncomfortable. He was constantly pinching the bridge of his nose and rolling his shoulders as if they were stiff. He seemed to be in a perpetual state of irritation, snapping easily at his men and spent most of his time alone in his office. 

Penelope was worried, to begin with, and that worry was amplified after the Seeker found her one day to tell her that Cullen may need the help of a healer. She dropped what she was doing and immediately set out for his office. She was heading up the stairs when she almost bumped into the Inquisitor.

“Are you going to see Cullen?” The Inquisitor stopped her on the stairs. 

“Yes, the Seeker said he might need a healer.”

“He might need more than that,” she sighed, “He likes you, maybe you can talk some sense into him.” She continued down the stairs without any further explanation.

“Wait, wha-what?” Penelope looked after her in confusion, talk some sense into him about what? She wondered.

When she got to his door it wasn't latched all the way but she knocked anyway. 

“Cullen?” She pushed the door open and peered inside. Cullen had his arms out against the bookcase, leaning on it. She took a step toward him, “Cullen,”

He jumped and turned toward her, “Maker’s breath! Penelope I-I didn't hear you enter.”

“Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you…” he didn't say anything and just continued to look at her, “Um, the Seeker said you might need a healer and I just bumped into the Inquisitor and she-”

“I'm fine, I don't need a healer.”

“Are you sure? She thought maybe I could help you.”

“Well she was wrong, you can't help me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, he looked like he was in pain.

“If you tell me what's going on maybe I can.” She said in a gentle voice.

“No, no you-” he tried to walk towards his desk but nearly collapsed. Penelope moved forward to help him, concern written all over her face but he shooed her away with an outstretched arm.

“Cullen,” she was really worried now.

“It's nothing, trust me, you can't help me any more than you already are.”

She was so confused, “Would you at least let me try?” He looked at her, “I want to help if you'll just let me. Tell me what's going on Cullen.”

“A choice I made when I joined the Inquisition is crippling me and bringing back my past. I can't function like I need to. I told Cassandra to find a replacement for me.”

“What??” She moved towards him as he finally made it to his desk and sat down.

“I never meant for it to interfere.”

“What choice Cullen, what did you do?”

He didn't answer for a moment before finally speaking in a low voice, “You've been taught about Templars, their powers and where they get them from?” She shook her head yes, “When I left the order I didn't want to be tied to that life any longer. I stopped taking lyrium when I joined the Inquisition.”

“And that's bad? That's what's causing all of your symptoms, the withdrawal, everything, it's all because you stopped taking lyrium?”

“Yes, even the dreams to a certain extent.” 

Everything made sense now, “Withdrawal can get really bad, it can kill you.”

“I know,” he put his face in his hands, “I am trying to overcome this but I'm not sure I can.”

“Of course you can. Cullen if you've made it this far you can make it the rest of the way. You can't give up now.” She came closer to his desk, “Let me help you.”

“No, you are helping me as it is in my dreams and I don't even like that.” 

“Listen, I know the dreams got a little rocky once we found out I could possibly die but in the real world I can help you with no danger involved.”

“No, you don't understand. I don't trust myself, I'm afraid I may… hurt you.”

“If I give you a cup of tea?”

“No, I-” he sighed and looked up at her, “I don't want you around me any more than you have to be. I don't trust myself and I will not risk losing-” he faltered, “I will not risk it.”

“Cullen-” she started to argue with him but he cut her off.

“No Penelope, that's final. Now please just go.”

Penelope was hurt by his rejection and dismissal but she told herself it was only temporary, he would come around eventually and when he did she would be there to help him. She spent the rest of her day trying not to think about what had happened with Cullen but that was easier said than done. 

When she went to bed that night she couldn't sleep, not with how things had ended with Cullen. So, she left her room and walked through the cool night air to his office. There was no answer when she knocked and finding the door unlocked she decided to go in. 

A single candle lit his office and from the light, it emitted Penelope could see that he wasn't there. Which meant he was either sleeping or out for a walk on the battlements. She decided that if he was sleeping she shouldn't wake him so she turned to leave. When she was almost to the door she heard a pained groan come from above her. She stopped moving and listened intently, after a few moments it came again, followed by mumbling. She thought maybe Cullen was having a bad dream and decided to check it out.

She quietly climbed the ladder to the loft above. There were no candles lit in the upper room but a hole in the roof let in just enough moonlight to see. It was sparsely furnished besides the large bed in the middle of the room. On the bed lay Cullen, blankets thrown off of his body with an arm tossed over his eyes. He was on his back to the left side of the bed and was mumbling and groaning his face contorted in pain, he looked tormented. Penelope could only imagine what the desire demon was doing to him, especially without her there. She wanted to help so she thought it best to wake him from his nightmare.

She tiptoed over to the bed and came to stand beside him. She reached out a gentle hand and touched his shoulder, “Culle-”

She was cut off as he leaped from the bed and grabbed her by the throat. He threw her to the ground and sat on top of her, knees on either side of her torso. 

Penelope was in complete shock, he was yelling something about not being tricked and about using her image but what he was saying was the least of her concerns. He was much larger than her so all of her thrashing underneath him was doing nothing to help her situation. He had his hands around her throat and was squeezing harder and harder with each passing second. Penelope knew if this continued she would pass out and if he didn't snap out of it he could kill her. She clawed and pried at his arms and fingers but he wouldn't let go, and she couldn't speak because his grip was so tight.

She was beginning to panic, she saw no recognition in his eyes just pure hatred and that terrified her. She was running out of options and her vision was beginning to tunnel when she decided to use her last resort. She pulled her dagger from its sheath on her waist and stabbed him. 

His eyes widened and his mouth opened in a pained breath. He swallowed audibly and his grip around her throat loosened. She took a shaky breath as he rolled off of her and onto his back beside her. Penelope lay there shaking and gasping with Cullen beside her groaning in pain. When she caught her breath she sat up and assessed the damaged. 

As far as she could tell, now that she could breathe she was fine, Cullen, on the other hand, was a whole other problem. Luckily her dagger was small and she knew just where to stab someone and miss anything vital. The knife was just above his hip and on the very outside, it hadn't gone in all the way and looked like it wouldn't have any lasting effects. 

She crawled over next to him, “Cullen,” she placed a hand gently on his shoulder.

He wouldn't even look at her, “You should leave.”

“Not until I get that dagger out of you.” She reached for the dagger but he grabbed her hand.

“No, leave it, I'll get it.”

“No way, I put it in there so I'm going to take it back out, besides I'm the healer here.” She reached for him again.

“No,” he tried to push her away.

She grabbed his hand, “Stop it, Cullen! Stop trying to push me away. I want to help you, so let me. I mean, I just stabbed you, do you think I'm okay with that?!”

He looked at her now, realization dawning on his face, “No, of course not I just- I'm sorry,” he looked so sad, “This is all my fault.”

“Shh, just lie still.” 

She reached over and pulled the dagger out with ease. She then helped him get up and sat him on the edge of the bed. He directed her to a chest on one of the walls and she rummaged through it looking for a bandage. Once she found the bandage she placed it on the wound and then laid him back down in bed. 

He grabbed her hand, “Penelope, I am so sorry, I almost- if I had-” he sighed, “I would never have forgiven myself, I hardly know if I can forgive myself now. This is why I wanted you to stay away from me. I don't want to push you away, I just want to protect you.”

“I know,” she squeezed his hand before adding lightly, “Although it seems to me I can protect myself,” she glanced down at his wound. 

Now that she looked at him she realized he was shaking and sweating, he was hot which probably meant he had a fever. He looked so sick, so vulnerable just lying there on the bed. She wanted to help him.

“I just want to help you, if you'll just let me try I'm sure I can.”

“But it's not safe.”

“Cullen, I feel safer around you than I do with anyone else.”

“Even after-”

“Yes, I trust you and I know you'd never hurt me on purpose. What just happened, that wasn't you.”

“It was more me than you know. Penelope in my past I-”

“I don't care about who you were in your past, I care about who you are now, and this Cullen wouldn't hurt me.” She leaned over and kissed his forehead, “Now go to sleep.”

She got up to leave but he held onto her hand, “Stay, please, at least until I fall asleep. You make the demons go away.”

She sat down on the edge of his bed again, “Of course.” She hummed him a lullaby as he fell asleep.


	20. Chapter 20

Penelope smiled to herself as she watched her plan in action. She was sitting in the snow on the bank of part of the frozen lake at the foot of Skyhold. She could just make out Cullen in the distance rushing toward her. She watched as he approached, not saying a word.

“Penelope!” He let out a relieved breath when he saw she was fine, “Maker’s breath! I thought-” he put his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. “Dorian said you were in trouble, he- he told me to find you right away.”

“Yeah, about that…” she cringed guiltily, “I may have asked him to lie for me.”

He huffed out an annoyed breath, “Penelope,” he gave her a hard look, “Why are you wasting my time? I have more important things to be doing than-”

He stopped talking as he watched her push off from the snowbank and glide across the ice. She smiled at him as he watched her skate figure eights on the glossy surface. 

“You were saying?” She kept skating as she spoke to him. 

“I-I was saying that you are keeping me from my duties.”

“No, I'm not, you have the day off.”

“What? No, I-”

“Yes, I talked to the Inquisitor and told her that as your healer I thought you needed a day off, and she agreed. Oh, and don't worry about your men or paperwork, Captain Rylen is filling in for you.” She smiled brightly at him.

He chuckled slightly, “What am I supposed to do with a day off?”

“Whatever you want, I just wanted you to come down here so you could see me skate on these lovely ice skates. They were a gift from… someone, hmm,” she tapped her chin, “I can't recall who.” She looked at him teasingly and he laughed.

“You can't? Really? Maybe you're the one who needs a healer if you're losing your memory.”

“Maybe,” she stopped in front of him, turning to the side to spray him with ice, which he flinched away from. “They work wonderfully, I should really thank the person who gave them to me, pay them back even.”

“Trust me, you already have in more ways than one.” He said as he brushed himself off. He smirked as he watched her skate backward away from him. “That is quite remarkable, I have never seen anything like it. It's almost like you're dancing.” 

She twirled in a circle for him, “You should try it.”

“No, I’m good. If I can't dance I'm certain I wouldn't be able to do that.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Even if I wanted to I don't have a pair of skates.”

She skated over to him and held out her hands, “At least let me tow you around a little.” He gave her an uncertain look, “It'll be fun, please.” She pleaded.

He sighed, “Fine, but only because you asked so nicely.” He took her hands and let her pull him out onto the ice. 

She skated backward very slowly, holding onto his hands. She had never pulled someone on the ice who didn't have skates before but she wasn't going to let that stop her. It was a little awkward as he shuffled along with her but he was more focused on watching her skate than he was on anything else.

“How do you go backward like that?”

“Practice, same as anything else.”

“That game you told me about-”

“Hockey?”

“Yes, that one. Have you ever played?”

“Yes, a couple of time's when I was younger, with some friends. It was just for fun and I was never very good. I like figure skating more.”

They had been doing well up until this point but something happened and Cullen slipped backward. He fell onto his back and since they were holding hands that meant Penelope fell with him. She landed on him with a soft thud.

“Are you alright?” He lifted his head up off the ice so he could look down at her.

“Yeah I'm fine, something big broke my fall.” 

He laughed as they sat up, “Yes and something big fell on me.”

She feigned offense and hit him playfully, “‘Something big,’ Cullen Rutherford, I believe you just called me fat.”

They stood up together, “I would do no such thing.”

She smiled at him and shook her head as they came off the ice. Penelope sat in the snow and put her regular shoes on. While she did this she got an idea. 

Cullen was standing a little way away from her with his back toward her, admiring the views of the Frostbacks. She scooped up some of the snow near her and made a snowball, then she lined up her shot and chucked it at him. It hit him in the back of the head, and Penelope stifled her laugh as he turned around. She put her hands behind her back and bit her lip giving him an innocent look.

“Two can play at that game,” he bent over and scooped up the snow at his feet, Penelope tried to get out of the way but he lobbed it at her before she could move. It hit her in the shoulder and she flinched away from the impact laughing. 

With shots fired back, it became all-out war. They were both making snowballs as fast as they could and whipping them at each other. When Penelope hit Cullen directly in the face she knew she was in trouble. 

He picked up a handful of snow and walked toward her as she continued to throw snowballs. When he got close enough to become a threat she turned and ran away from him. However, in the deep snow and laughing as hard as she was Penelope was no match for him. He caught up with her in a matter of strides and grabbed her around the waist, spinning her toward him. He then shoved the handful of snow directly in her face as he laughed with her. 

By the time they were done both of them were soaking wet and out of breath. They sat down in the snow together still laughing.

“That was fun, I needed that,” he turned to look at her, “Thank you, Penelope.” 

She smiled back, “Anytime, Cullen.”


	21. Chapter 21

Penelope was bored out of her mind. All of the important people, which included anyone she could consider a friend, were at the Winter Palace for the ball. They had left her at Skyhold to do absolutely nothing for the past few weeks. Dorian had promised to give her all of the details when they got back but she didn't think that was going to make up for all of the time she spent sitting in the healer’s tent with nothing to do.

At first, she had been happy that she didn't have to go. She had never been to a ball but she was pretty sure it wouldn't have been her type of party. Now, however, she was wishing she had gone. Anything would have been better than sitting around Skyhold for weeks with nothing to do other than sit in the healer’s tent all day and wait for the occasional minor injury to come in. She kind of wished Cullen had assigned her to some fort or camp for the few weeks they were gone so she could be of some use.

This day was like all of the others. Penelope spent her time sitting in the healer’s tent taking inventory and organizing the supplies which she had already done four times the previous day. She saw only two people, one of the kitchen staff who had cut her finger chopping vegetables for that night's stew and one of the recruits who had pulled a muscle training. Both had only taken a matter of minutes and then Penelope was back to doing nothing. She was happy to go to sleep that night as it meant she wouldn't be aware of the painstakingly slow passing of time. That night she found herself in Cullen's dream and made her way to where he was.

“Hey, Cullen.”

He looked up at her, “Penelope, it's nice to see you.”

“How is the Winter Palace?”

He groaned, “Not for me, but it was a success. We begin the journey back to Skyhold tomorrow.”

“It was that bad, really? I think it would have been better than sitting here with nothing to do for weeks. I'm going crazy.”

“You may have liked it I don't know. I’m sure you would have at least found the Palace beautiful, I wish you could have seen that much.”

“Then show me.” He gave her a confused look, “Come on, we've been working on this, show me.”

It was true they had been working on Cullen being able to change his entire dream. Penelope didn't think it would be hard but he had struggled at first. He was so used to just dealing with the dream and suffering it was hard for him to think that there was another way to go about it. It had taken a while but eventually, he had succeeded. They had gone to Haven, Skyhold and even Honnleath in his dreams.

In front of her Cullen closed his eyes and concentrated, after a minute or so the Winter Palace materialized in front of them. He had been right, it was beautiful. Penelope began walking the grounds in awe as Cullen trailed behind her.

“Wow, this place is huge.” She spun in a circle as she took in her surroundings. “You were right, it is beautiful.”

“Trust me, it's a lot better now that there aren't a bunch of snobby Orlesian nobles sauntering around.”

“I believe that.” They continued their tour of the Palace and eventually came to stand on a balcony outside the main ballroom. “Did you dance?” She glanced over at Cullen who was leaning against the balcony next to her.

“No, although not for lack of trying on the Orlesians’ part.”

“How so?”

“They wouldn't leave me alone. All night I was bombarded by Nobles, men and women alike, asking me to dance.”

“And you turned them all down?”

“Yes, promptly, there was only one person I would have tried to dance for and-”

“The Inquisitor?”

He looked at her a little surprised, “What, no, why do you think that?”

“Well, it's just I've seen the way you look at her. I thought maybe you liked her as more than a friend.”

“I admire and look up to her. She is a wonderful leader and person, but I feel nothing more than friendship for her.”

“Oh, then who-”

“You, Penelope. If you had been there and asked me to dance I would have said yes.”

“Really?” She smiled happily at him and he smiled back while he nodded. “What if I asked now?”

He smirked as he chuckled, “I would be happy to oblige.” He offered her his hand.

“Wait, we need music and the proper attire.”

He raised his eyebrows at her but he didn't argue. Instead, he closed his eyes and concentrated. Penelope heard music begin to softly flow out of the ballroom and watched Cullen's clothes turn into his formal attire. _He looks good in red_ , she thought as she watched the clothes slowly materialize. It was only after a few moments that she realized her clothes had changed as well. She looked down to find herself dressed in a beautiful navy blue gown. The ball gown flowed out around her in a light material. It had a scooping back and it's straps hung just off her shoulders.

She looked up at Cullen a little shocked, while he blinked open his eyes. She watched his eyes widen and his mouth open slightly when he caught sight of her. “Um, what's this?” She motioned to the dress.

“W-well you said proper attire. Do you not like it?” He looked a little worried.

“What? No, I love it!” She twirled in a circle and watched the fabric flow out around her. “I can't believe you came up with this.”

“Well, I did have some time to think about it.” He rubbed the back of his neck a little awkwardly. They looked at each other for a moment before he cleared his throat and again offered his hand. “May I have this dance?”

She smiled brilliantly at him, “Of course, Commander.” She took his hand and he pulled her into him.

They danced slowly to the music playing in the background. The back of her dress was so low that she could feel Cullen’s gloved hand on her bare back as he held her close to him. Being so close to him made her cheeks hot and she glanced up at him. He smiled down at her before spinning her out in a twirl. She was pulled back into his arms laughing as they continued to dance.

“I thought you said you couldn't dance.”

“Madame Vivienne gave everyone classes before we came.”

“Well, they definitely paid off.”

“You're not so bad yourself.” He smirked down at her as they continued to dance.

Penelope couldn't have thought of a better way to end a dream. She woke up the next morning feeling better than she had all week. Seeing Cullen like that had made up for all of the time she had spent alone and bored for the past couple of weeks. She couldn't wait for him to be back in Skyhold.


	22. Chapter 22

Penelope was laughing uncontrollable. She was sitting in the tavern listening to Dorian’s stories from the Winter Palace. The shenanigans that he and some of the others had gotten into were hilarious. She especially liked the stories about Cullen being surrounded by Orlesian Nobles who either wanted to cop a feel or get his hand in marriage. That was the current subject they were talking about and Penelope was almost falling off her stool in laughter.

“So then one gets brave enough and manages to sneak his way behind our dashing Commander. He then proceeds to slither his hand down the poor unsuspecting man's back and grab a handful of his arse.” He was motioning with his hands as he spoke and the ‘handful’ he took looked quite forceful. “You should have seen the look on the Commander’s face, absolutely priceless.”

Penelope was laughing hysterically and could barely catch her breath. The image of this happening was just too much for her.

When she finally calmed down she spoke: “What I would have paid to see that.”

“Maybe if you ask him nicely he'll reenact it.”

“I most certainly will not,” they both turned quickly to see that Cullen had joined their conversation and was now standing with his arms crossed giving them both disapproving looks. “I would like to forget most of what happened at the Winter Palace if you don't mind.”

“Oh come on Commander, be a good sport, help the girl live a little.”

“She will live much better not seeing that display thank you.” He turned to her now, “Are we still on for our lesson today? You weren't on the field so I didn't know if maybe you changed your mind.”

“Oh, sorry, yes, of course, I just got distracted, “ she motioned to Dorian, “Obviously.” He flashed them both a brilliant smile and Penelope snickered while Cullen just rolled his eyes.

“We'll tell your ‘distraction’ goodbye, we have work to do.”

So Penelope said goodbye to Dorian and then followed Cullen out onto the training field. “Glad you could finally make time for me.” He glanced worriedly at her but when she flashed him a teasing smile the worry turned to amusement.

“Yes, because I never make time for you.”

“You did leave me here all alone for a few weeks.”

He leaned over, “And you survived.” He said before leaving her side to stand in front of her as they came to a stop in the middle of the ring. “Alright, we're going to go over self-defense. Hopefully, you'll never need more than that.” She raised her hand and he gave her a weird look, “Penelope, it's just us, you don't have to raise your hand.”

So she lowered her hand a little begrudgingly, why did he have to kill her fun? “Will I get to use the knife?” She pulled the dagger from its sheath on her waist.

“It's a dagger, and yes I will teach you some different ways to use it, although it's pretty straightforward.” He motioned for her to put the dagger away, “That's later, first we're going to start with hand to hand. What do you do if I come up behind you and grab you?”

 _Sink into your arms_ , Penelope thought but she quickly pushed that away and tried to focus, “Kick you in the balls.” She replied matter of factly.

He opened his mouth to speak and then quickly shut it looking a little shocked, “Um… Th-that would work, although it's not very deft. I'm going to show you another way. And when we practice if you could please refrain from using that technique, I would like to have children someday.”

Penelope laughed, “Are you afraid of me Cullen?”

“Yes, you're terrifying.” He said it jokingly but there was also a hint of seriousness in his tone.

“Why?”

“You make me nervous.” Penelope didn't understand that and was going to question him further but he quickly changed the subject. “Now, if someone grabs you from behind one way to deal with them is by using their own weight against them. You want to grab their arms, stick out a leg, and twist your body to send them flipping over it. There are other ways but let's practice this one first.”

He came up behind her and grabbed her around her torso. He walked her through the steps and she quickly learned the moves. They practiced quite a few times before moving on to other things. Eventually, they got to how to use a dagger and practiced that with a few jokes about how she had already stabbed him.

“I'm pretty good, aren't I.” She moved the dagger through the air like a ninja which made him laugh.

“Yes, you did well. Let's still be careful though.” He grabbed her hand and lowered the dagger. “Let's go over some of the things we did in the beginning to make sure they stick and then we can be done.”

They started with the very first move he had taught her. He grabbed her from behind and she quickly had him falling over her leg. But this time he grabbed her at the last second and dragged her down with him.

She sat up quickly and hit him on the chest, “Cullen! That wasn't in the playbook.”

“Did you just hit me?”

“Yes, you dragged me to the ground.”

“You're not supposed to hit your instructor unless told to, looks like you'll have to be punished.”

“Punished?? Really?” She wasn't convinced he was going to do anything.

“Are you ticklish?” There was a mischievous look in his eyes.

Penelope was not a fan of where this was going, “No,” he moved toward her, “No!”

She got up and tried to scramble away but he grabbed her quickly and dragged her back to the ground.

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, don't you dare!” He wasn't dissuaded however and began to tickle her midsection. She was laughing loudly now, “Stop! Stop! No!”

He was laughing with her and she eventually fell over into the dirt. When she didn't get back up he stopped tickling her and just sat there with a pleased expression on his face.

Penelope caught her breath and then glared at him, “I’m going to get you back for that.”

“I'd like to see you try.” Amusement danced behind his eyes as he watched her sit up.

“I'm never taking another lesson with you again.”

“I doubt that.”

He was right, there was no way she was going to keep her word, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

He stood up before offering her his hand, “Let me buy you a drink.”

She glared at him for a moment longer before grabbing his hand, “Fine but only because I like you.”

“Even after that?”

“Yes, sadly.” He smiled charmingly at her and she rolled her eyes smirking to herself.

They sat at the tavern bar for a while talking and drinking. However, Penelope got an idea when she saw Sera walking through the tavern and out the door.

“I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back.” She dismissed herself from the bar and quickly followed the elf. “Hey, Sera!” The elf turned to look at her, “I need your help with something.”

“What is it?”

“I want to prank the Commander.”

“General uptight? Yeah, he could use a good pranking what'd ya have in mind?”

She whispered the idea into the elf’s ear, who thought it was perfect and ran off to carry out their plan while Penelope headed back to the tavern. She saw Cullen a few days later leaving his office looking annoyed.

“What's wrong Cullen?”

“It's my desk when I left it the other day it was fine but now it won't stop wobbling. I can't figure out what's wrong with it.”

“Hmm, that is a problem. Well you know if you hadn't tickled me the other day maybe I could help you.” She began to back away from him as a mischievous smile spread across her face.

He stared at her for a moment with his eyebrows knit together before catching on, “Penelope, what did you do?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” She said feigning innocence.

“Penelope! Fix whatever you did!”

“Goodbye Cullen.” She turned to walk away from him laughing to herself as he called after her.


	23. Chapter 23

Penelope let Cullen suffer for a couple of days before she agreed to help him after he begged her to. She went into his office with him and within minutes had pulled the folded piece of paper from under his desk, quickly solving the problem.

“When did you put that there?”

She stood up and handed him the paper, “I didn't, Sera did.”

“Of course, the elf.” He scowled.

“I asked her to after that day of training, I told you I would get revenge.”

“I never should have doubted you.”

She smiled smugly at him, “Oh, by the way, she calls you General uptight, which I find pretty funny.”

“General uptight? Am I actually uptight?” She shrugged, “Really? You think I'm so uptight that it warrants a nickname? I mean I know I can be kind of serious but-” he stopped talking to think.

“No, I don't think you're that uptight. I just think that's the only side they see of you. If they spent more time with you they'd see you weren't that bad.”

“Tell them that.” He sighed.

“Cheer up Cullen, you could be known for much worse.”

“True, how is it you always know what to say?”

“It's a talent.” She smiled at him as he watched her.

“Do you have many of those?” He said teasingly.

“Not really.” She laughed.

“I beg to differ.”

“Well,” she started walking toward the door. “We've seen your track record and you're usually wrong so…” She shrugged.

He just laughed and shook his head as he watched her leave. That night she dreamed with him, which was becoming normal at this point.

“Another night, another dream, how are you holding up Cullen?”

He raised his eyes to look at her, “Better now that you're here. I've tried to change my dream without you but it never works. I can only concentrate enough when you're with me.”

She smiled and came to stand next to him outside of the cage, “I want to try something different today. Think of someplace that will make you happy but not a place you've been before. I want it to be something completely from your own mind.”

“Like what?”

“Just anywhere that would make you happy.”

“Alright, I'll try.” He closed his eyes and concentrated and eventually after some encouragement their environment changed.

“A meadow?” Penelope spun in a circle taking in her surroundings. “Not what I expected but it works.

“What did you expect?”

“Well, um-”

She was interrupted by the sound of something in the distance. She could see a mass of something moving towards them but couldn't tell what it was until it got closer.

“Puppies?!” She smiled and covered her mouth as she laughed and looked at Cullen.

He was staring at the group of puppies with a huge grin on his face. “Mabari puppies!”

“Oh my gosh they're adorable!!” Penelope rushed toward the group of puppies and fell to her knees as they jumped on her. “This is what you thought about?” She managed between laughs.

He knelt down next to her, “Maybe…” he said with a laugh of his own.

“You continue to surprise me, Cullen Rutherford. I didn't know you liked dogs.”

“The Mabari is not just a dog. It's a Ferelden war hound.”

“Oh excuse me I didn't realize I had to use their full title.” She said sarcastically as she rubbed the head of a nearby pup who was looking at her curiously.

“They can understand you, I would be careful of what you say.”

“Cullen, it's a dream, and they are puppies. The only danger I'm in is of one licking me.” He smirked at her as he played with two of the pups in front of him.

“I've always wanted a Mabari.”

“Then get one.”

He glanced over at her thoughtfully, “Maybe I will.”

“Oh! Can I name it?”

“What? No, it would be my dog.”

“Oh, come on I have plenty of good names.”

“Like what?” He didn't look convinced.

“Barkley, Sir Barks-A-Lot, Admiral Ruffington.” The look on his face was priceless. “Oh, what about Brad Sit.” He didn't look impressed, “Clive?”

“Those are terrible.”

“Well fine then, what would you name him?”

“I don't know, I was thinking more like Maverick, or Major.”

“Those are so boring!” She was disappointed in his name choices.

“Well they're what I like and if it's my dog I'm going to name it whatever I want.”

“You're no fun.” She said teasingly.

“Sorry I bore you.” he replied with a smirk.

“I'm going to get all of the puppies to play with me.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“Like this!” Penelope stood up and took off running.

All of the puppies began to follow her excitedly while Cullen watched with a smile. She didn't make it very far as she still hadn't taken up exercising and soon collapsed to the ground. She laid on her back and all of the puppies swarmed her. She was laughing and sputtering as they all licked her face and climbed on top her.

“You know, you're stealing all of the fun,” Cullen said as he came to sit next to her and picked a puppy up off her chest.

She gently brushed the rest of the puppies off of herself and sat up, “I'll try to remember to share next time.”

He smiled over at her as he stroked the back of the puppy in his lap. Penelope scooted closer to him and leaned over to pet the puppy as well. She scratched it's head and brought her face closer so it could give her a kiss. She was smiling widely and laughed as she wiped the slobber from her face. She glanced up to find Cullen watching her with a small smile that tugged the corner of his mouth upward.

“What?” She asked as she looked up at him while she continued to pet the puppy.

“You just look so happy. You have a beautiful smile.”

The look in his eyes made Penelope’s heart skip a beat. Her breath quickened as they continued to gaze at each other. He was leaning closer to her and Penelope’s tongue darted out to lick her bottom lip. His gaze dropped to watch before he brought his eyes back up to hers.

His hand grasped the side of her face and pulled her closer to him. She felt his hot breath briefly on her lips before their mouths met. The feeling was electric, heat shot throughout Penelope's body and she could feel butterflies in her stomach. His large hand stroked the side of her face as his lips gently caressed hers. She sighed into him as he deepened the kiss slightly. His short stubble brushed her face but it just added to the heat of the kiss.

She brought her hands up to his chest but suddenly he pulled away. His hand dropped from her face and he put distance between them quickly. They were both trying to catch their breath but she could tell something was wrong. He wasn't looking at her and instead looked at the ground.

“I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have done that.” He stood up quickly.

Penelope sat on the ground in shock, “What?”

“I should not have done that, it-it was a mistake.” He began to walk away from her.

“Cullen, Cullen!” She tried to call after him but the dream soon faded.

She woke up in her bed and a feeling of dread soon fell over her. She rolled over but never went back to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

Penelope had about enough of this. Ever since the dream, Cullen had been actively avoiding her. She had barely seen him except at a distance and whenever he caught sight of her he would make a hasty exit. Every day she would look for him, to try and talk about what had happened but he was very good at not being found if he didn't want to be. Even his men seemed to be covering for him. She would ask them if they knew where he was and they always seemed to have no idea. 

By this point, she was frustrated, hurt and just all around fed up with the whole situation. She liked him and after what had happened she had thought he shared those feelings for about three seconds until he pushed her away, quite literally. She was determined to talk about it whether he wanted to or not.

After all of her attempts to intercept him had failed she decided to go straight to the source. At a specific time in the day, he held “office hours” of a sort where he could always be found in his office for any appointments, important conversations or paperwork. So after about three days of dealing with his immature behavior, she marched herself right up to his office and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Came the call from inside and she pushed the door open and quickly walked in before shutting it behind herself. He glanced up from his paperwork and did a double take when he realized who it was, “P-Penelope.” He put his quill down and stood up behind his desk.

“Hello Cullen, shocked to see me?” 

“I-I-” he stuttered. 

“Right, you've been trying to avoid me but guess what I'm here now so we're going to talk.” She folded her arms across her chest.

He sighed, “Of course.” He motioned for her to sit down.

“I'll stand.”

He decided to stand as well, “What would you like to talk about?”

She couldn't believe him, “Are you kidding me, Cullen?! What do I want to talk about? You know damn well what I want to talk about.”

He dropped his gaze, “Right…”

“So you're just going to kiss me and then pretend like I don't exist? Like it never even happened?”

“I-I’m sorry, it was a mistake. I should never have done that. Forgive me.” He wouldn't look her in the eye.

“A mistake?!” She stared him down but he still wouldn't meet her gaze. “Right, I can't believe you, Cullen.”

He glanced over at her, “It was a dream Penelope, nothing more.”

She rubbed a hand down her face as she sighed, her emotions were starting to build inside of her but she refused to let them overflow. Cullen still stood behind his desk, his eyes back on the ground. 

“What did I do?” He looked at her now, “Why do you hate me all of a sudden?” Her voice broke as she spoke. She swallowed, before asking in a pained voice, “Was the kiss that bad?”

There was a sad expression on his face as he looked at her, “What? No, I-” he sighed as he looked down and braced himself on the desk before meeting her eyes again. He looked at her with very seriously, but she could see pain behind his eyes. “I don't hate you, Penelope, don't you ever think that. I made a mistake, that's all please forgive me.”

Her lip quivered as she stared back at him, tears pricking her eyes, “You're forgiven.” There was no forgiveness in her voice, however, only pain, “I’m sorry I was just a mistake.” She spat the rest at him as she turned to leave, slamming the door behind herself.

She let out a deep breath and quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks. She would get over it eventually and hoped they could go back to being friends at some point. She decided she needed some fresh air and went down to ice skate. 

It was almost therapeutic, the beautiful views, the brisk mountain air and the gliding of her skates on the ice. Skating reminded her of her childhood. Her father would take her skating every winter when they moved to New York City. Florida wasn't much for ice skating but New York was perfect. She had loved skating in Central Park, especially around Christmas time. She hadn't skated since her father died but she was happy to get back into it.

“He was right, you do look like you're dancing, and it is quite beautiful.”

Penelope stopped and spun to find Dorian admiring her from the side of the ice. 

“Hi Dorian,” she stopped skating in front of him. “Who said that?”

“Cullen, he said I had to see you skate because it looked like you were dancing. It came up at the Winter Palace, and he was quite right.”

At the mention of his name, Penelope wasn't smiling anymore. She quickly turned away from her friend and went back to skating. 

“Uh oh, what's that face for? Did something happen?”

“I'm fine.”

“That would be a yes.” He crossed his arms, “What happened?”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“I don't remember giving you that option.”

“Dorian,” she gave him a sideways glance.

He held up his hands, “Fine, fine, have your secrets. I'm just surprised that a dashing young man such as that says something so nice and observant and you're not happy about it. I mean if he said something like that about me I would be all over it. Sadly I know he doesn't swing my way. I've tried you know, I can be very persuasive just not enough for our golden Commander apparently.”

Penelope couldn't help but laugh at this, “I’m sure you have.”

“You do like him though, don't you? I mean how couldn't you. You've laid eyes on him and everyone is smitten after that.”

She laughed again before becoming serious, “Dorian I told you I don't want to talk about him.”

“I'm just saying, I've seen the way you look at him.”

“And how is that?”

“Like he put the stars in the sky, you talk about him like that too. Except for today apparently.”

She sighed, “I'll tell you eventually Dorian. Don't worry you'll be the first to know when I'm ready to talk.”

“Good, I better be. Especially before that dwarf.” He started walking away.

“Goodbye Dorian, and thank you for the talk.”

“No problem dear.” He turned and winked before strolling away.


	25. Chapter 25

The next few days were very busy so it was easier to put what had happened out of her mind. She was in the healer's tent from sunup to sundown taking inventory, placing orders, organizing and packing. After the Winter Palace, the Inquisitor had brought back some mage that knew where Corypheus was going to strike next. Everyone was preparing for the journey to the Arbor Wilds where they hoped to get to whatever he wanted there first.

They were expecting a huge battle so of course, it was all hands on deck. Penelope spent every minute of the days leading up to the journey getting everything ready. They had to make sure they had enough supplies to treat the wounded and supply the men on the front lines. Luckily, many of the healing potions were made from elfroot which was always in abundance. The Inquisitor had asked for some new potions for herself and her companions but other than that they just needed the usual supplies. They also needed a large amount of lyrium for the mages fighting and helping in the healer’s tent. Luckily the Ambassador was able to acquire some extra from who knows where, which helped.

They were going to set up a couple of tents and send different degrees of wounded to each one. Penelope's tent would be closest to the fighting and would get the most severely wounded. She kind of wished she had gotten assigned to a different tent so she wouldn't have to watch so many people die.

After about three days of preparation, they were all set and the fateful day arrived. They packed up the wagons and horses and set out for the Arbor Wilds. The journey took about a week or so and when they got there they were greeted by their allies and everyone seemed hopeful. The army was tasked with keeping Corypheus’s army distracted and off the Inquisitor so she could make it to the ruins. Penelope and the rest of the healers were tasked with keeping them in fighting condition so they could do that.

They set up the tents and it didn't take long before the injured started coming in. Penelope's tent was a mess. They hadn't been kidding when they said that her tent was going to get the worst. Most of the wounds were horrific and for many, there was nothing they could do but make them comfortable until they died.

One particularly hard case came in part way through the battle. It was a soldier whose leg had been mostly severed by a Red Templar. He was in a huge amount of pain and losing a lot of blood but he insisted they saved the leg. He said he was a farmer by trade and had a family to provide for. However, Penelope was more worried about him just surviving in general. He was at risk of bleeding to death and if he didn't stop fighting them he would die. She told him she would do all she could to save his leg but he said it wasn't good enough so eventually, she agreed to save it. The second he passed out however she quickly amputated it and stopped the bleeding. She knew he would hate her when he woke up but at least he would be alive to do so.

They had been working for hours and Penelope was exhausted. But the wounded just kept coming and she didn't have time to take a break. Word came that some of the men needed more supplies. Penelope knew from last time that no one else would do it so she volunteered picked up a crate of supplies and carried it to the men in need. The men fighting looked terrible. Their numbers had obviously dwindled and they were all sporting some type of injury but they fought on. She placed the full crate of supplies next to the empty one and then made a quick retreat back up the hill.

She had only made it a short distance from the battle when she heard something behind her. Before she could turn around, however, she felt hot sharp pain in her back. In a heartbeat, something materialized in front of her. It was a deformed man with red lyrium for arms. He went to slash at her but froze suddenly. He stared at her in disbelief for a second before looking down to where her dagger was lodged deeply in his abdomen. Penelope watched him collapse to the ground.

She only stayed standing for a moment longer before she collapsed as well. Her back was on fire and she could feel something wet dripping down her legs. She fell to her side and laid there whimpering in pain. She was almost face to face with her attacker on the ground who now lay with open unseeing eyes. She rolled over onto her stomach in a pathetic attempt to slow the bleeding. Her vision was beginning to tunnel and her breathing was labored.

Her entire body tingled and it felt like her blood was boiling. She knew something besides what was probably a giant gash down her back was wrong but she didn't know what. She attempted to crawl to safety but she could barely move. So, all she could do was lay there helplessly and hope someone found her soon. She hoped the other healers would notice she was missing and send someone to look for her. However, in reality, she knew they were very busy and would most likely not even notice her absence.

When her vision began to darken further she knew she was in trouble, she was dying. She thought about Cullen and how she had left things with him. How she had promised to tell Dorian what had happened. Her deal with Varric about teaching him poker if he taught her how to play wicked grace. About her home, her world that she would now probably never see again. She would never get to finish season two of Stranger Things or travel the world. She would die without completing her bucket list or getting married. There were so many things she wanted to do still but now she never would.

Eventually, she gave in to the inevitable pull of the darkness that was now engulfing her. Her world went black and the pain subsided. She could still hear the fighting nearby but even that was fading. Then she heard cheers going up all around her, _they must have done it, we won_ she thought as her consciousness began to fade. Right before the darkness claimed her entirely she heard footsteps approaching.

“I can't believe they sent her out here, Penelope! Penelope!” It was Cullen frantically looking for her.

She tried to rouse herself enough to move or call out to him. To do something to let him know that she was there and needed help, but she couldn't, she was too far gone. So she just laid there and hoped he would find her.

“Maker’s breath no!” She heard him collapse next to her, “Penelope? Please, please, Maker let her be alive.” He very gently rolled her over and she felt him put his ear to her chest. “She's breathing! Thank the Maker!” He tenderly scooped her up in his arms and cradled her against his chest. “I've got you now, everything is going to be ok.” He whispered to her as he carried her to the healer’s tent.

Penelope barely heard him however as she lost her grip on reality and slipped into unconsciousness.


	26. Chapter 26

Penelope was only partly aware of what was going on around her. She kept slipping in and out of consciousness but as far as she could tell Cullen was just bringing her into a tent. She heard the flap fall closed behind them as he stepped in.

“Where is the head healer?!” He yelled above her.

“I'm right here what's the mat- oh Maker, Penelope!” She felt the healer's hand fall onto her forehead as she spoke. “Lay her over here.” There was rustling as things were moved out of the way before she was gently laid on a table, face down.

“You have to fix her,” Cullen said from nearby.

“I will do my best.” The healer was closer as she came to examine her.

“That's not good enough! She has to make it! You will fix her!” He sounded angry.

“My best is all I can offer you, Commander.” The healer still sounded calm.

“This is your fault! You sent her out there! If it weren't for you she wouldn't be dying!”

“Do you think I don't know that?” The healer replied in a pained voice, “But she volunteered, what else was I supposed to do?”

“Say no! You know how naive she is!” 

“You know how hard it is to say no to her. Besides, she was the only one who volunteered and your men needed the supplies.”

“So desperately that she needed to almost die to get the supplies to them?!”

“Listen, I know she is a close friend of yours but that doesn't mean I can treat her any differently than I treat anyone else, and you should know that. Now, I will do my best to help her, if you are going to keep screaming you need to leave so I can work. If not, then stay and help.”

There was a sigh and a pause before he replied, “What do you need me to do?”

“Roll her over and get her to drink this.” Penelope heard glass vials clinking around.

She felt large hands grabbing her gently before she was slowly rolled onto her back. She exhaled in pain and one of the hands brushed her face soothingly. Her head was tilted up and a cool surface was placed on her lips. 

“Penelope, I need you to drink this ok?

She parted her lips and he dumped some of the contents of the vial into her open mouth. She swallowed and soon had gulped down the entire bottle of healing potion. She quickly felt its warm healing effects coursing through her blood, which brought her back from the brink slightly.

“Now what?” Cullen asked.

“You, go get a mage and a damn good one at that. Commander, here,” she heard the sound of a cloth being thrown, “Hold this on her back, tightly, it will help slow the bleeding.”

Penelope was once again flipped onto her stomach and she felt something touch the wet, burning wound on her back. The Commander packed the cloth into the wound before pressing down onto it. The pain was severe and Penelope whimpered in agony.

“I'm sorry, I know, but it should help.” He said in a low voice above her.

“Oh lovely girl, how did this happen to you?” Dorian announced his presence loudly as he entered the tent, “There, there, Dorian is here now, I've got you, my dear.” She could hear him quickly walking to where she lay. “I'll take it from here Commander.” The pressure on her back released for a moment before being reapplied as Dorian took over for Cullen. The second his hands touched her she could feel his healing, soothing magic flow over her, it was a welcome relief.

After a few moments she heard someone enter the room, “Alright, everything is ready. Remove the cloth, I need to try and close the wound.”

Dorian took the cloth off her back and Penelope felt the healer begin to examine her again, this time more thoroughly. She poked and prodded at Penelope’s back drawing whimpers from her any time she touched her. She started digging around in the wound at one point and that roused Penelope enough to draw a scream from her. 

“Sorry,” the healer apologized, “It's just that there is something in there.”

“What is it?” Cullen sounded more than concerned.

“I think it may be a shard of red lyrium, which could explain some of her symptoms and condition.” 

“It needs to come out, now.” Cullen spoke in a deathly serious tone.

“My thoughts exactly Commander, but it's in there deep and I may have to cut it out. I need you all to hold her down.”

“Captain Rylen, her legs, Dorian, her midsection and keep the magic flowing, I'll get her arms.” 

Penelope felt them all grab a hold of her. She was still kind of out of it so even though she knew what was coming she was nowhere near prepared for the pain that would soon follow. The healer began to dig into her back and cut her way through the ruined skin to get to the shard. Even with Dorian’s magic, the stabbing, searing pain was agonizing. Her eyes immediately shot open and she screamed through her anguish, thrashing around to try an escape the sensation of something burning a hole through her body. 

“Keep her still!” The healer yelled.

“Shhh, Penelope, I know it hurts but you have to stop moving.” Cullen brushed the hair from her face comfortingly.

She was whimpering between screams and tears were streaming down her face as the healer continued to cut into her. Cullen grabbed both of her wrists in one hand and threw his other arm over her shoulders. He pressed into her to keep her flush against the table and crouched down so he was closer to her face.

“Shh, it's alright, I've got you, it will all be over soon.” He stroked one of her wrists with his thumb and spoke in a low, soft voice trying to calm her down.

The healer must have hit a nerve as explosive pain shot through Penelope’s body making her scream louder than she thought possible as her whole body tensed. Once the worst of it was over she sobbed through the aftershocks.

“What in the Maker’s name are you doing?! You're killing her!” Cullen stood and screamed at the healer.

“No! I'm saving her life!” The healer yelled back as Penelope felt her digging violently into her back one last time before pulling something out.

Penelope felt whatever it was dislodged and a huge wave of exhaustion fell over her as the pain subsides. She felt all of the pressure in her back release and her world began to dim.

“Oh no! Oh no!”

Penelope felt very wet all of a sudden.

“What?!” Cullen asked in a panicked voice.

“The shard, it was stopping the blood flow, now that it's gone she's bleeding out.”

“We'll stop it!” 

“I can't!!”

That was the last thing she heard as her eyes fluttered closed. She felt all of her pain and energy seeping out of her. She was overcome with a feeling of exhaustion which she didn't fight. Instead, she gave into the feeling and sunk deeper and deeper into the darkness. She felt calm and peaceful. She was no longer in pain and couldn't hear the screaming around her anymore.

“You're not supposed to be here.” The young odd boy with the floppy large hat she had seen around Skyhold appeared in the darkness. “You need to go back.”

“Go back where? Where am I?”

“You're not here or there, you're in between, floating. But you need to go back, it's not your time yet.”

“How do I go back?”

“I'm here, I'll help. Just try, listen, he's calling to you.”

Penelope listened through the darkness. Faintly in the distance she could hear someone calling her, pleading for her to come back.

“Focus on his voice it will help you. I will help you too.” He said before he disappeared.

After a moment the voice grew louder and the tired haze that had come over her began to fade. The voice was clearer now and she could tell it was Cullen speaking softly close by. She wearily blinked her eyes open, and gasped in pain as she took in a deep breath.

“Penelope,” Cullen dropped out of his chair and knelt next to where she lay. He brushed a hand across her face, “You're awake… you're-you're alive. I thought-” his voice broke and he just continued to stroke her face.

Penelope saw Cole behind Cullen and he whispered “I helped,” before vanishing.

She refocused her vision on the man in front of her who was staring at her with sad, wet eyes. She brought a shaky hand up and gently brushed a tear from his cheek. He gave her a small sad smile before kissing her forehead. Her eyes shut again as she felt his warm kiss on the top of her head and a tear fall on her cheek.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last couple of chapters have been a little slow but don't worry it will pick up again shortly.

The next time she awoke she was back at Skyhold lying comfortably on her bed. Cullen sat close by reciting the chant of light. He didn't notice she was awake until she moved enough to shift the sheets beneath his elbows. She stared at him until he opened his eyes and looked at her.

“Hi,”

“Hello,” One hand fell to grasp hers and the other fell on her head to stroke her hair. “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better.”

“Good, you gave us quite a scare. I thought- _we_ thought we had lost you a couple of times there.”

“What happened?”

“When the Red Templar attacked you a shard of red lyrium broke off in the wound. We think because you are not of this world and have no inherent connection to the fade that it had unforeseen consequences. It almost killed you.”

“Oh… that's sounds bad.”

“Yes, I have to admit it was quite frightening.”

“Really, you were frightened?” She replied teasingly.

“Yes, yes I know, it is hard to believe.” He retorted with a small smile. “Do you need anything?”

“I could really go for some food.”

“A plate of food coming right up my lady.” He stood and bowed dramatically.

She laughed, “You know Cullen they have people for that. I'm sure you're very busy and have a lot of work to get back to. You could just ask someone to get me food.”

His countenance fell, “Right, of course. I will send someone up right away.”

Penelope watched him leave as she laid in bed thinking.

“What did you say to that poor man to make him look so sad?”

Penelope's eyes jerked up as she was pulled from her thoughts. Dorian stood in her doorway looking at her.

“Nothing, I didn't say anything.”

“Well, something must have happened.” He walked over to her bed. “It's good to see you awake and talking by the way.” He smiled down at her and touched her arm lovingly. “Now, what is going on between you and that hunk of a man?”

“Nothing is going on between us Dorian. We are just friends.”

“Just friends my blushing butt cheeks.” He scoffed. “You obviously like him don't you?”

“Yes, of course but he doesn't feel the same.” She looked away from him.

“I don't believe that. I saw the way he clucked over you like a mother hen. He was absolutely beside himself. He obviously has feelings for you as well.”

“I'm telling you he doesn't.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“Not in so many words but basically.”

“What exactly happened?”

“He kissed me and-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” he held up his hands looking completely shocked. “He kissed you??” She nodded yes, “Well there's your answer. Our Commander doesn't go around just kissing people for no reason.”

“But that's the thing, he told me it was a mistake. It was during a dream and he said that's all it was, that it meant nothing.”

“Hmm,” Dorian tapped his chin in thought, “That is odd, but I’m still convinced he's absolutely smitten with you. We need to get to the bottom of this.”

“ _We_ , don't need to do anything. Just leave this alone Dorian, please.” He looked at her disapprovingly. “I don't want to lose the relationship we have as it is ok.” He didn't look convinced, “Please,” she pleaded.

“Fine, fine, but you better get to the bottom of this, or I will. You two would make too attractive children to not be together.”

“Dorian!” Penelope put her hand on her face.

“I'm just speaking the truth. Anyway, I'll see you later lovely, things to do places to be.” He winked as he left the room.

Penelope just shook her head as she rolled over and fell back asleep. She didn't know how much time had passed before she was woken again by the sound of someone entering her room. She opened her eyes to find Cullen standing in her doorway, with a plate of food in his hands.

“I didn't mean to wake you.” He walked into the room. “I hope you're not upset about it by I decided to get your food myself. I know what you like and it was just easier.”

“Why would that upset me?” She asked as she sat up so he could place the food in her lap.

“Well, you told me to get someone else to do it. I thought you didn't want me to come back.”

“Why would you think that?” His response concerned her.

“After what happened between us I didn't know if you were still angry with me.”

“Cullen,” she grabbed his hand, “ We may fight and have our disagreements but you will always be my friend.”

He smiled in relief at her as he set the plate of food down on her lap. “That's good to hear.”

“How are your dreams?” She changed the subject to avoid it getting awkward.

“A lot better, I've been using the techniques you've taught me. I no longer fear sleeping.”

“That's fantastic, soon you won't even need me anymore.” He cringed a little at this, but she ignored it. “So what else did I miss?”

“Well the Inquisitor is preparing to go face Corypheus and hopefully defeat him and fix this mess.”

“Really? Wow, so soon we'll either have won or everyone will be dead.”

“Basically, although we are hoping that we win.”

She smiled at him, “Of course, I would think so.”

He looked at that door, “I must leave you now Penelope, I have some things to take care of but I will be back as soon as I can. Please if you need anything don't hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you Cullen, and don't worry about me. I'll be fine.” She watched him leave the room before continuing to eat.


	28. Chapter 28

Penelope sat with her elbow on the table and her chin in her hand. She was studying the game and player in front of her with a watchful eye. Varric was a convincing liar and she was trying to find any sort of tell to help her win the game. He had just finished teaching her the basics of Wicked Grace and they had started their first practice game. It wasn't much of a match because there were only two players but with everyone so busy it was hard to find someone else to join them. 

The game was similar to poker which she was supposed to be teaching him after this. However, the game was taking longer than expected and she wasn't sure they would have that sort of time. She was losing and luckily they weren't using actual money to bet with or she would probably be broke by now. Varric was an exceptionally good player and Penelope had never been much for poker or betting. But she had promised the dwarf she would at least learn and so here she was.

“Oh, sorry Dreamer, bad move,” Varric said as he beat her once again.

Penelope sighed, “I think I'll call that a game then.”

“It's a good thing you missed the big game or you may have ended up naked like Curly.”

“Wait,” At the mention of a naked Cullen he had Penelope's full attention. “Cullen was naked?”

“Yeah, I thought that might get your attention. Sparkler mentioned you had a thing for Curly.”

“Oh no, not you too.”

“Just hear me out and then I'll leave it alone. Sparkler told me what you said happened. Curly is a good guy, he wouldn't lead you on for no reason. So maybe more is going on than you know. I would just give him the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions ok.”

“I know, thanks, Varric.”

“No problem Dreamer.” The dwarf said before collecting his cards and leaving her to go do work, promising to let her teach him poker later.

Penelope went and wandered the battlements as she thought. She wasn't sure if she should try to bring the kiss back up to Cullen. He had dismissed it so quickly the first time she was afraid of being rejected again. She knew she should take the chance as what they faced ahead was uncertain but he was busy and she didn't want to waste his time. 

So, she told herself she would talk to him about it later when the time was right and settled for just daydreaming. She couldn't get it out of her mind. It had been in a dream but it had felt so real. How he felt beneath her hands, how he had smelled and tasted it was ingrained in her memory. She couldn't forget about it even if she wanted to, even if he had called it a mistake. She went to bed that night feeling uneasy, maybe she should bring it up to him in a dream. Maybe he would make that same mistake again, she sure wouldn't mind.

When she opened her eyes she didn't recognize where she was. She was lying in tall grass looking up at a bright blue sky. She could hear birds singing and a creek babbling softly close by. She sat up and a gentle breeze brushed her hair out of her face. She looked around and slowly stood up out of the grass. Nearby sitting in the grass was Cullen. He was facing away from her lounging back on his hands as he looked up at the sky. He looked peaceful and happy. She couldn't believe this was his dream. 

She walked closer to him, “Cullen?”

He turned to face her, “Penelope,” he moved to get up but she dismissed his motion as she sat down next to him.

“This is your dream?” He nodded smiling, “How did you- I mean you did this all on your own?”

“Yes, it appears your lessons were quite effective. It took a while but with your help, it seems I've finally banished my demons. I still have the occasional bad dream but with everything you've taught me they are much easier to handle.”

“That's wonderful news! I was wondering how your dreams have been since I've been out of commission for a while.”

“What you've done for me Penelope, the freedom you have given me I- you have given me my life back and I don't know how I could ever repay you.”

“Cullen,” She placed her hand on his shoulder, “First of all, you don't have to and secondly you already have. You've been such a good friend, my best friend, over this past year. You made me ice skates, you saved my life, not to mention you have brought me immeasurable joy. Before I came here and met you I never realized how truly alone I felt. Ever since my father died I-” Her voice broke, “You gave me purpose again, you helped fill that hole and I could never thank you enough for that.” He brought a hand up and stroked her face as they gazed at each other. 

Suddenly, the moment was interrupted by a bright green flash of light. They pulled away from each other and looked over in shock as a tear in the veil opened a couple of feet away. Penelope stood up and slowly walked toward the opening. On the other side, she could see her world, it was New York City. The bustle streets and honking horns, it was all right there in front of her. 

“Is that- is that your world?” Cullen asked from beside her. 

“Yes,” She leaned closer, she couldn't believe her eyes.

“What are those?” He pointed to the picture in front of them.

“Those are cars, they are like carriages but they don't need horses.”

“And these are your lights that don't use fire?” He pointed to a street lamp.

“Yes, they run on electricity.”

“Your buildings are huge.” He said in wonder.

She looked over at him, “Cullen, we are living in a giant fortress right now, these,” she motioned to the skyscrapers, “Aren't as crazy as that.”

“Maybe not for you. Where do you live?”

“Actually this is my building right here.” 

“You live in that entire thing?” He asked in astonishment.

“No, it's apartments, I live in part of it. My place is actually pretty small.”

“Wow,” Was all he said as he looked back at the tear.

“I guess this means I can go home,” Penelope stated, the realization just dawning on her.

Cullen's eyes dropped away from the view as she said this. He looked deep in thought as he stared at the ground.

“It appears that way. Now you can finally go home, just like you always wanted.”

But is that what she wanted? Penelope wasn't sure if she could leave this world, leave Cullen behind. 

“I never got a chance to say goodbye to the others.”

“I can tell them for you, I'm sure they'll understand.” She looked from the tear to him, “Penelope, this may be the only chance you get to return to your world.”

“I know I just-” 

She was feeling so uncertain, she didn't know what to do. She had always wanted to go home. Had always dreamed of the day she could take hot showers again and have modern technology and not have to worry about being killed by a demon. But then she and Cullen had become friends and what she felt for him now she couldn't just ignore. She had become a part of this world, had grown to love it and it's inhabitants, some more than others. She wanted to see it to the end, be there when they either defeated Corypheus or perished trying. How could she just abandon all of that now?

She looked to Cullen desperately for help, “How can I just leave, after everything? We haven't even accomplished what we set out to do in defeating Corypheus. I have to see this out to the end.”

“But what about your world, your home, your life before this? You're not a part of this world, you never asked to be brought into this. To be thrown into danger every day.”

“But I feel like this is my home. You all have become like family to me.”

“You never made a commitment to the Inquisition. You made a commitment to me, and you have fulfilled that commitment. It's time for you to go home, Penelope.”

“But-”

“Penelope,” He placed a large reassuring hand on her shoulder, “It's over, you accomplished your task, you helped me. Now it's time to go home.” He squeezed her shoulder before turning and walking away.

Penelope's heart broke, he didn't want her. She turned to his back as he walked away with tears in her eyes, “You don't want me to stay?” She asked in a pain filled voice, sobbing out the last word.

He froze in his tracks. Penelope watched as he stayed like that for a moment before turning back around and closing the gap between them in two strides. Before she knew it one hand was on her face and the other was around her waist as he pulled her toward him. He captured her lips with his and Penelope gasped against him in surprise. 

The intensity of the kiss was overwhelming. All of the things between them that were left unspoken she felt in that kiss. Penelope's hands came up to his chest as he deepened the kiss. He captured her lips over and over again as he pulled her against him, swallowing her sighs. His arms encircled her and she breathed in his scent. He smelled of elderflower and oakmoss, clean and rustic just as before. He tasted like sweet ale, and he was warm yet firm beneath her fingers. His stubble brushed roughly against her face sending shivers down her spine. A rush of heat went through her as he licked lightly across her bottom lip. 

She was so lost in the kiss she had barely noticed that they were backing up toward the tear in the veil. She didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. His arms untangled from around her in a split second. He placed his hands firmly on her chest and shoved her backward in one movement. She sucked in a surprised breath as she tumbled backward into the tear. 

Penelope shot upright in bed panting heavily. She gasped on a sob as she looked around the room. She wasn't greeted by cold stone walls. Instead, she was warm and comfortable and she could feel soft sheets beneath her. There was a white ceiling above her and grey walls around her. 

A single tear slipped down her cheek. She was in complete shock. Had it all really just been a dream?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end....
> 
>  
> 
> Just kidding! These two definitely need a proper ending, I'm not that cruel. :)


	29. Chapter 29

Penelope sprung from her bed and tripped over the clothes littering her floor as she rushed to the bathroom. She had to find out if everything had been real or if it was all just a cruel prank from her imagination. She turned around in front of her mirror and quickly pulled her shirt over her head. When she glanced back she didn't know whether to be happy or sad. There on her back was the jagged red scar left by the Red Templar. Now at least she knew it hadn't all just been one crazy dream. But now she also knew that somewhere out there was Thedas, the Inquisition, and Cullen.

She sighed and fought back tears as she pulled her shirt back on and trudged over to her bed. She picked her phone up off her nightstand and checked the time and date. To her surprise, it was the morning of the day after the night she had left. No time had passed in her world, it was still the same day she was supposed to wake up on. She had work in a few hours and her calendar said she plans to go shopping after. How could she do any of that now? How could she go on with her life and pretend like the whole year she spent in Thedas had never happened? She knew it had, the scar on her back said it had. But now she was back in her world and she didn't know if she could ever get back to Thedas, or Cullen.

She called in sick to work that day and the next few days after that. She was too heartbroken to do anything. But eventually, she had to get out of bed and get on with her life. She found that nothing made her happy anymore. She had loved food, and Netflix but now she found herself without an appetite and choosing to turn off the tv to go to sleep early instead of staying up to watch her favorite shows. Her days consisted of getting up, going to work and then coming home and going straight to bed. Ironically she dreamed of Cullen, he was never real she knew that but it was comforting to see him in her dreams again, at least until she woke up.

It was winter in New York and Penelope thought that maybe doing one of her favorite things would cheer her up. So on the weekend she grabbed her ice skates and headed to the park. Her father had always taken her when she was younger and now that he was gone she found it comforting to go and enjoy something they had cherished doing together. She went in the early morning so there weren't as many people. She skated around the ring and called upon old knowledge and skills from her childhood as she began to spin and jump. She turned around and glided backward across the ice.

However, what was once an enjoyable and comforting activity now carried new memories that stung at her eyes. She began to cry so hard that she couldn't see so she had to skate off the ice. She plopped herself onto the nearest bench and buried her face in her hands as a month’s worth of sadness came crashing over her. She had tried to pretend like she was ok but that was far from the truth. She sobbed into her hands as she thought about everything she had left behind. 

How could he have done that to her? She had realized after the fact that the kiss had carried so much emotion because he was kissing her goodbye. The second his lips had touched hers he had known what he was going to do. She didn't accidentally trip and fall into the tear. No, he had pushed her, but why? Why would he kiss her and then push her away? If he had felt even a fraction of what she had in that kiss it must have broken his heart to do that. So then why do it at all? 

Varric’s words came back to her, she knew Cullen and she knew Varric had been right. He wouldn't lead her on knowingly if he didn't have any feelings for her. So she knew he had to have had his reasons, she just hoped they were good ones.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months as Penelope went about her life. She had hoped the pain would get better, or at least fade, but it never did. It was as fresh as when she had first woken up in her bed when she returned from Thedas. That's how she knew she had truly loved him. She practically cried herself to sleep every night and begged whoever was controlling this to just let her see him one more time. She had never gotten the chance to tell him she loved him and that's all she wanted.

This night was like every other. She curled up on her side and sniffled herself to sleep. She dreamed that she was in a field but the field looked oddly familiar. She wandered around listening to the birds singing as the breeze ruffled her hair. A brook babbled in the distance and there was something else, something lower and steadier. She followed the sound through her dream.

The sound grew louder and eventually she could tell it was a voice. A very familiar voice that was reciting a very familiar chant. She brought her eyes up and scanned the meadow in front of her. A good distance away she could see a mess of blond hair just visible above the grass. She walked quickly toward the voice her heart pounding in her chest. As she got closer she could see him, kneeling in the grass, with his hands folded in front of him and his eyes closed. She couldn't contain herself anymore, she had to know if he was real, if it was truly him.

“Cullen?” She called uncertainly towards the figure.

The head of the figure lifted and amber eyes met hers. She let out a shaky breath and then gasped in a new one as her heart stopped. He never took his eyes off of her as he slowly stood where he was. She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a sob as she walked toward him. Tears fell down her face as she came to stand in front of him.

“Is it really you?”

He didn't speak but instead brought a hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear before cupping her face. He stroked his thumb across her cheek gently wiping away her tears. This just made her cry even harder as she held his hand to her face. 

“Shh,” He soothed as he pulled her into him to hold her against his chest.

She turned her face into him and he encircled her with his arms as he planted a lingering kiss on the top of her head. They stayed like that for a moment before she pulled back. She brushed her hand along his jaw feeling his stubble. He gingerly took her hand in his and kissed the inside of her wrist while looking into her eyes.

“I found you, I finally found you.” He said in disbelief.

“Cullen,”

“I know you must be angry with me but you must know that everything I did, I did for you.”

“Why did you push me away? Why did you send me back here?”

“To protect you, and to keep my promise. I promised I would get you back home, and I did.”

“I didn't want to go back.”

“I know, but it was the best thing for you.”

“How can you say that?”

“Penelope I thought my world was going to end. We were going to face Corypheus and we would either stand or fall. If we failed I could not-” he stroked her face as he choked, “I was not going to lose you like that. I knew it would be safer for you to return home. I would rather you were safe and sound somewhere I could never see you again than have you hurt or taken or-or worse.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“I knew you would never go on your own. Penelope, it broke my heart to have to do that to you. But if I could go back and change what happened, I wouldn't do anything differently.”

“But the Inquisitor obviously succeeded or you wouldn't be here.”

“Yes, but I would never risk that, I would never risk you.”

He pulled her toward him and captured her lips in a kiss. This kiss was different than the one they had shared before. It was soft and tender, full of sadness and what could have been. He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.

“I love you.” He whispered with so much emotion it broke Penelope’s heart all over again.

“I love you too.” She answered before kissing him again.

She pulled away and hugged him. Breathing in his scent and memorizing how he felt against her. She wanted to remember this moment forever. However, she was pulled away from the moment when she noticed something that had not been there before.

“Cullen?”

“Yes?” He murmured against her neck.

“Did you think of a wolf?” 

He pulled back to look at her, “A wolf? No, why?” He followed her eyes. Behind him stood a massive wolf. “Get behind me.” He immediately placed himself between her and the wolf.

“It's just a dream wolf.” She peeked around him to look at the creature.

“It could be a demon.” 

The wolf didn't move or make a sound it just stood there, watching them. Next, to it, a green swirl formed and Penelope couldn't believe her eyes as she watched a tear appear in the veil.

“Is that your bedroom?” She asked in surprise.

“Yes,” 

“Wait, does this mean I can go back?” She was getting excited.

“I think so.” He turned to face her, “But only if you want to Penelope, only if you're sure. You just returned to your world and if you-” 

She kissed him, cutting him off. “Cullen, I'm sure. Now go,” she pushed against his chest lightly. “I'll see you back in Skyhold.” 

His eyes twinkled as he watched her, “You better.” And then he was gone.

Penelope now looked at the wolf. She had recognized the pendant that hung around its neck. “I never pictured you as a wolf Solas, but it suits you. Thank you, so much.” And then she jumped through the tear.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all nsfw, can't have an explicit rating without some smut. This is my first time writing smut so be gentle with me, if you know what I mean ;)

Penelope’s feet hit rough wooden boards as she landed with a soft thud. She shivered when the cool air hit her skin as she was wearing nothing but the large t-shirt and small shorts she went to bed in. She brought her hands up to rub her arms as she looked around. The room she was in was mostly dark and she was facing a stone wall. She turned around when she heard a soft gasp behind her and the rustling of sheets.

Cullen sat up in bed, causing the sheets to fall from his bare chest. He stared at her, unmoving, in almost disbelief. After a moment he slowly pulled the sheets to the side and stood up. He made his way toward her, never breaking eye contact. He paused in front of her before pressing his body against hers in a fierce kiss. The emotion behind it was so strong Penelope could barely breath. She had never felt anything like it. 

He finally pulled back and looked at her, “You're here, you're actually here.” He stroked her face lovingly.

“I can't believe it either. I've dreamed about this for months.” She answered as she gazed back at him.

“I have no words. What I feel for you… I could never do it justice with words.” His hands traveled across her shoulders. “But I could try to show you if you'll let me.”

Penelope's answer was to step closer as she raised herself on her toes to kiss him. It was soft and gentle at first but soon grew in intensity. He pulled her against him as he deepened the kiss, licking into her mouth while his hands roamed over her body. Her hands were in his hair, pulling his head down to crush his lips against hers even harder. One of his hands snaked down her back and grabbed a handful of her butt. He gave it a small squeeze and Penelope squealed in surprise which made him smile against her lips. In return she playfully nipped at his bottom lip before biting hard enough to cause him to groan. She licked along it soothingly before drawing it into her mouth to suck the sting away. This seemed to spur him on as he grabbed her roughly and tugged her even closer. 

His hands found the bottom of her shirt and he began to pull it up before stopping and drawing back away from her. His eyes met hers and he seemed to be looking for her approval. She gave it readily by lifting her arms over her head. He smiled and quickly pulled her shirt up and off of her. His eyes were still locked with hers as he stepped closer before glancing down her body. 

The appreciative sound he made when his eyes landed on her breasts made her shiver, and the heat pool low in her belly. His hands came up and he trailed them along her sides before cupping her breasts. Penelope shuddered as his rough calloused hands grazed across her skin. She arched into his touch and a moan escaped her lips as he flicked his thumbs across her hard nipples. He stepped forward and bent his head to capture her lips again. He swallowed her sighs as his hands continued to explore her body. When he wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her naked chest against his Penelope gasped and groaned in pain. He released her immediately and stepped back eyeing her in concern.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” He reached his hands out but seemed hesitant to touch her.

“Yes, I'm fine. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It's just my back, if you press on a certain spot it still hurts.”

Cullen put his “Commander” face on, “Turn around, let me see it.” He reached for her shoulder but she pulled away.

“No, the scar is ugly and-and I-” She looked away.

“Penelope,” he cupped her face and brought her eyes back to his. “You are beautiful, every inch of you.”

“You haven't seen every inch of me.” She smirked.

“Not yet,” he breathed. “But I don't need to. You are beautiful and I love you but I don't love you for how you look, although that is an added bonus.” She laughed, “I love you for who you are and a scar certainly won't change that.”

He let what he said sink in for a moment before reaching back for her shoulder and slowly turning her around. Penelope felt his hands glide across her back. He lingered at her scar as he traced it with his fingertips. A shudder ran through her as she felt his hot breath on her back before his lips slid across her scar as he planted loving kisses along its length. 

He finally stood and pressed his chest to her back as he encircled her in his arms. He kissed up her neck as his hands massaged her breasts. She turned her head to meet his lips and brought her arms up to wrap them around his neck. One of his hands sank lower on her stomach. He drew it along the top of her shorts before running it down her leg and across her thigh. She sighed and pressed herself against him when he finally cupped her through her shorts. He rubbed her slowly through the fabric which created extra friction making her sigh. She began to rock her hips against his hand, drawing a deep moan from him. 

He released her and turned her around in one swift movement. She squealed in surprise as he grabbed her butt and hoisted her up around his waist. As she laughed she wrapped her legs around him and kissed him again. He walked them over to the bed and gently tossed her onto it. She giggled as she bounced amongst the sheets. He smiled down at her before climbing onto the bed as well. 

Penelope smiled lovingly up at him as he braced himself over her. He kissed her briefly before beginning to make his way down her body. He stopped at her breasts and roughly palmed them before sucking one of her nipples into his mouth. He kissed and nipped at her breasts drawing gasps and moans from Penelope’s lips. He then continued on down her stomach, kissing as he went. She watched as he stopped at her shorts and kissed along the top of them. 

He sat up between her legs and hooked his fingers into the waistband of her shorts. He looked at her for permission and she smiled in return. He tugged her shorts down her legs and off her feet. When he brought his eyes back to her he froze and gasped in a breath. The look on his face was pure shock and Penelope sat up at the sight of it.

“What? What's wrong?”

He swallowed, “You're-you're bare.” He finally stuttered.

“Oh,” she couldn't help but laugh. “Yeah, I forgot you guys don't do that here.”

He continued to stare between her legs with his mouth open. She closed them slightly feeling a little awkward at all of the attention but he quickly stopped her movements with his hands. He gently pried her legs back open and laid down between them. She laid back down as he started to kiss his way up the inside of her thigh. His stubble brushed the sensitive skin there and it made Penelope shiver. 

She felt his breath on her mound and looked down to find him looking back up at her. He didn't break eye contact as he spread her open and slowly licked along her slit. Penelope threw her head back at the feeling and let out a long moan. He licked and sucked at her and she couldn't help but writhe above him. He put her legs over his shoulders and threw an arm across her hips to keep her from squirming away. Penelope was breathing heavily and her mouth hung open on an almost constant moan. 

His other hand slide up her body. He stopped to fondle her breasts for a moment before slipping two fingers into her open mouth. She sucked on his large fingers and he hummed his approval against her, making her arch her back in pleasure. Eventually, he pulled his fingers out of her mouth and trailed them back down her body. When she felt him place them at her entrance she tried to thrust her hips against them but he held her in place. Slowly he pressed them into her and Penelope bit back a moan. He began to thrust them in and out of her and it was pushing her over the edge. 

Her breathing increased and she could feel the heat that was pooled low in her belly spreading out over her body. Cullen sensed her need and sucked her nub into his mouth. Penelope exploded, her back arched off the bed and she opened her mouth in a silent scream. She entangled her fingers in Cullen's hair, moaning his name, and pulled him against her as she clamped her legs around his head. She shook as she came around his fingers and he moaned with her. He finally pulled away from her and she collapsed onto the bed, gasping.

He crawled up her body and kissed her face as she caught her breath. When he licked into her mouth she could taste herself on him. He pulled back and smiled down at her as he brushed some hair from her face. She smirked up at him and pushed against his chest until he was kneeling between her legs. She sat up with him and ran her fingers over his chest while she kissed him. She nipped down his neck and along his shoulder. He growled in return and tried to push her back onto the bed but she brushed his hands away as she kissed down his chest. 

When she reached his breeches her fingers worked at the laces while she playfully bit his lips. She pulled him free of the leather and wrapped her fingers around his girth. He groaned and grabbed her face, bruising her lips with a fierce kiss. She pumped him a couple of time's in her hand before he broke and growled again as he shoved her back onto the bed. He quickly pulled his breeches off before settling himself between her legs. 

Penelope reached between them and positioned him at her entrance. He kissed her once and then gazed into her eyes as he pressed into her. They both moaned as he seated himself deep inside of her. He began to rock in and out of her, slowly at first before picking up speed. She glanced down and watched him disappear inside of her which made her groan in pleasure as she pressed her forehead against his. He moved his head to the crook of her neck and kissed the sensitive skin there as he continued to thrust into her. Her pleasure was building. She raked her fingernails up and down his back drawing a low moan from his lips. He drove into her faster now and she hooked her ankles behind him. She was close, moaning in time with his thrusts and she could tell he was close too. 

He snaked his hand between their bodies and flicked a thumb across her in time with his thrusts. “Cum for me.” She moaned and dug her nails into him. “Cum.”

Penelope cried out as she exploded. Her back arched and she bit down on Cullen's shoulder. She could feel herself clenching around him and he thrust into her hard a few more times before he groaned his release as his hips stuttered. He jerked into her as he came and that pushed Penelope over the edge again. They both finally collapsed onto the bed, completely out of breath and sated. Cullen's head was resting against her neck and his breath blew across the sweat there, making Penelope shudder. She turned her head to look at him and he glanced up at her and smiled.

“I love you.” He said as he stroked her face with his hand and planted a kiss on her cheek.

“I love you too.” She absentmindedly trailed a hand soothingly over his back.

After a moment he pushed himself off of her and rolled to the side. She shivered at the loss of warmth as she gazed up at the stars through his ceiling.

“Now I'm cold.” 

He smirked over at her, “Come here.” 

She scooted closer to him as he wrapped an arm around her and nestled her against his chest. He kissed the top of her head as she laid it on him. He brushed his hand lightly over her side as he stared up at the ceiling. She nuzzled against him, completely content.

“Cullen?” 

“Mmm,” he replied sleepily.

“Does this mean that if we get a dog I can name it?”

His eyes opened and he frowned down at her, “No,”

“What?!” She sat up slightly to look at him,“Why not?”

“Your names are terrible. I'm not naming our dog Sir Ruffington.”

“It was Admiral.” She replied grumpily.

“It's still terrible.”

She huffed and plopped back down against him.

“I'll tell you what. You can name the children but I'm naming the dogs.”

She smiled against him, “Deal.” She couldn't have been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! I loved writing this story and I really hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you to everyone who left kudos and especially comments. To everyone who left comments, you gave me and this story life. I love hearing from you guys and any feedback, good or bad, is greatly appreciated. Thanks again! :)


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